Unity

Matthew 12:25 - Knowing what they were thinking he said to them, "Every kingdom that is divided against itself will be laid waste and every city or household divided against itself will not stand."

Jesus's response to the Pharisees accusations is a strong argument for coming to agreement and for adhering to any agreement even if one is against it. Communion is more than going along to get along. That does not heal rifts. Communion requires continual discussion of where things are at and continual assessment of our own willingness to be in communion in the first place.

It is easy today to point out people who are not doing this. But more important to think about my own household and my own unity within myself. Am I contributing to unity or disharmony? I will look at my actions today.

B

Pride and Fear

Matthew 12:23 - When the Pharisees heard this, they said, "This one does not cast out demons except by Beelzebub, the ruler of demons."

The Pharisees are paying attention too. Yet, their conclusion is the exact opposite of the crowd's - they claim Jesus is in league with demons. In fact, with Beelzebub himself. They see the miracle and they cannot believe. They know the prophecies as well as the crowd, yet, out of fear of losing their position and the power and riches that come with it, they deny that what they have seen is from God.

They probably have nothing personal against Jesus, yet attack him because it is the only way to stay in power. Yet there is something else - they do not want to think they got it wrong. They are incapable of changing their minds when they see new evidence.

We all know or know of people like this - people who cannot possibly be wrong and when they are double down. I have been this person. In fact, in some areas, I still am. I based so much of my identity on whether I was right or wrong. That road does not lead to happiness. The Pharisees do not come across as happy and comforting. THey come across as assholes. I'm sure I used to come across the same way.

Yet ... people loved me anyway. They didn't ignore my bad behavior - they called me out - yet they also showed me a better way. "Would you rather be right or happy?" If those Pharisees were anything like me the answer was obvious - being right meant being happy.

It was only when I realized that that answer was not in my best interests that I began to think about pride, to recognize my own pride and to see how it had led me to make some unhealthy and even harmful decisions. It was when I let go of being right that I began to see things differently. And I began to be happy.

Today I choose to be attentive to this.
B

Paying Attention

Matthew 12:22 - And all the people were amazed and said, "Could this be the Son of David?"

Not only were the blind man's eyes opened, but also the eyes of many in the crowd. They may have already been opened. The question they ask shows they are paying attention. There was a prophecy (in the story) and now they begin to consider that it might be coming true.

How attentive am I to the signs around me? If I were there, would I be paying attention or would I be oblivious? Or maybe even skeptical? What do I pay attention to and is it worth my time and effort? Good questions to ask as I go into this day.
B

Blind and Mute

Matthew 12:22 - They brought to him a demoniac who was blind and mute and he healed him; so that he that was blind could speak and see.

I think of the hymn Amazing Grace whenever I think of being blind. There are so many ways I continue to be blind - and the thing about blindness is that it cannot be seen. Only when our eyes have been opened can we know that we have been blind. That is why we continue to worship, to read and study and to work with others. Being in fellowship with others helps us see where we are blind.

I am blind because of my socialization yet I am mute by choice. Once I see where I have been blind - for example, about police treatment of black men - it is my responsibility to speak up. What causes me to choose to silence my voice rather than adding it to the voices of others?

Comfort - I do not want the backlash nor do I want to stand out in the cold. This is selfish. By not becoming part of the solution I remain part of the problem. By not speaking out, I remain complicit in the actions of others. I think 2016 will be a year where I continue to practice both speaking out and dealing with the inevitable and undesirable consequences. Because I am also afraid to speak out.

My prayer today is that I become more willing each day to take that risk.
B

Hope in a servant

Matthew 12:17-21 - This was to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet Isaiah, "Behold, my servant whom I have chosen; my Beloved in whom I am well pleased. He will not quarrel or cry out; nor will anyone listening to his voice on the street. He will not crush a broken reed or quench a smoldering wick til he brings justice to victory. And in his name the nations will hope."

The servant of God from second Isaiah. The perfect one, the one who will neither crush the people nor quench their fire. He has been sent to the outcast (the bruised reed) and the lukewarm (the smoldering wick). He has been sent to proclaim justice for these. He will be non-violent and yet speak against the powers.

Are we called to these things as well? Yes. as we are able. Or maybe a simple yes.

The question for me is - How am I protecting the bruised reeds and the smoldering wicks that they might become whole?
B

Doing good

Matthew 12:12-14 - Of how much more worth are you than a sheep? It is lawful to do good on the Sabbath. Then he told the man to stretch out his hand and he stretched it out and it we healed just like the other. The Pharisees met together to plot how they might destroy him.

It is lawful to do good - anytime. If you cannot agree with this statement, you might want to look at why rules are so important to you. Love loves. People in love love. Love does good. So go, do good.
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Accusations

Matthew 12:9-10 - When he departed from there, he went into their synagogue. And, behold, there was a man with a withered hand. And they asked him saying, "Is it permitted to heal on the Sabbath?" so that they might accuse him.

We continue to talk about the relevance of rules and how far it is possible to break them. We just heard about another healing and how mercy is what God wants. The Pharisees as depicted in this story are more interested in catching Jesus saying something they can discredit him for. They are more interested in holding on to their own power than in using that power to help others.

I can say that I have done this and probably am doing it in my work. I need to look at what power I have there and how I am using it; especially in regard to Alicia. But, once I start journaling today, I'm sure I'll find other areas - CPE, home, with family.

Do my actions say I'm more interested in having power or helping others with it?
B

Mercy

Matthew 12:7-8 - And have you not read, "I desire mercy not sacrifice?" For the Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath.

Mercy. How much harder it is to sacrifice our desire for revenge or give in to our fear and walk away from a needy person. How much easier to just give money and not have to change our way of thinking or ourselves. Mercy is in short supply from many people this year. It is sad to see people on TV talk about killing Muslims or talking about Mexicans as though Donald Trump was right. Mercy.

What or whom is God asking me to be merciful toward today? Why don't I want to be merciful? Mercy takes less energy than staying angry or resentful. It frees us to give more of ourselves to God. Mercy toward my self especially - I don't need to keep a running list of my fuck-ups and mistakes in my head. Time to start righting my journal again.
B

Greater than the temple

Matthew 12:5-6 - Or have you not read in the Law that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple violate the Sabbath and are guiltless? And I say to you, "Something greater than the temple is here."

So the obvious answer is Jesus himself, yes? This is true. It is also true that the presence of God is also there. These are easy to understand interpretations and need no comment - only a reminder of that truth.

Yet, what if, something else is greater than the temple? What if Jesus is referring to himself and god and people? The temple is in reality a building, a pile of stones - man-made. It is a symbolic pile of stones, but a pile of stones nonetheless. What give the temple its symbolism - God's presence. Who is there to witness this presence? God's creation. People, made in the image of God (or put another way - God's representatives on earth). Following after the previous verses, Jesus is saying that people are not only more important than God's Law. We are also more important than the temple itself. We are greater than the temple because we built it! It is an artifact.

Taking this further, he is saying that the institution of the temple is less important than people. This hits us hard in the 21st century. Try talking to people about selling their church building. Try telling people that doing church differently is possible. Try making even a small change in church governance. We idolize that which we create. Unlike God. God loves - God knows when change is necessary and is continually calling us to such. Yet, we are afraid. We like the comfort of "the way it's always been." We find it hard to change our attitudes even toward institutions that no longer work for us.

Such change starts with recognizing the place these institutions should have in our lives. Below God, below people, below God's creation. Many of us have switched the order unconsciously and it hurts to be reminded.

How have I switched the order of my priorities out of whack?
B

Self-Care

Matthew 12:3-4 - Have you not read what David did when he was hungry and those with him; how they entered the house of God and ate the bread of the presence, which it is not permitted to him or those with him to eat - only the priests?

Sabbath or not, the health of the body is important - the survival of the body is important. Jesus interprets the Sabbath laws much more generously than did the Pharisees. It is as if he is saying that our bodies matter to God. When we are hungry, it is permitted to eat. Especially if we have not eaten in some time as was the case with David and his men. There is no sense in following rules meant for the flourishing of God's people if it means we will die.

Our bodies do matter. In the season of Advent, in which we celebrate the Incarnation - the coming into the body - of Jesus we should remember that because Jesus was a man our bodies are also sanctified - temples as Paul put it. We are to treat them with care. Sure, people at different times in the history of the church saw things differently, but this story makes it clear. When there is a conflict between the law and human flourishing, human flourishing wins.
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Sabbath

Matthew 12:1-2 At that time Jesus went through the grainfields and his disciples were hungry and they began to pick heads of grain and to eat. When the Pharisees saw it they said to him, "Look, your disciples are doing what is not permitted to do on a Sabbath."

Here is the setup for the example of how Jesus' burden is easy and his yoke is light. He begins to do something that is necessary - eat - in a way that is not acceptable to the Pharisees. Actually, he permits his disciples to do so. The point is that the rules are not meant to be more important than our needs.

The Sabbath addresses the very human need to rest regularly; to take time out from our work and enjoy God and God's wonderful creation - including our loved ones. It is a time meant for pleasure, not restriction. Yet, the Pharisees have begun to believe and act as if the rule itself were the most important thing. It is not. The most important thing is to be with God and to remember whose we are and who we are. God's beloved children.
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Burden

Matthew 11:29-30 - Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart and you will find refreshment for your bodies. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I feel like this is saying that we can do anything we have to one day, hour, minute or second at a time. Because God is carrying the burden with us. I like refreshment for bodies rather than rest for souls because using the word souls implies to me that our bodies are not important. Yet, they are. We are about to celebrate Jesus' coming down into a body and the hope that he brought and continues to bring. It all means nothing if he didn't have a body. Bodies are important - resting them and refreshing them is important.

Spending time with God refreshes our bodies and our spirits. And our yoke is then easier.
B

Refresh

Matthew 11:27 - Come to me all who labor and are burdened and i will refresh you.

I like the idea of refreshment here rather than rest. Because we refresh ourselves in different ways. Today is the first day of Advent and refreshment is essential to our celebrating this season. The day of hope - the hope that refreshes and restores us. The hope that makes us new is here, Jesus is coming and our hope is in Jesus refreshments. The living water is the water that refreshes and never runs dry.
B

Wisdom and simplicity

Matthew 11:25-6 - Then Jesus said, "I thank you Father that you have hidden these things from the wise and revealed them to the foolish for such was your will."

This makes me think about parables and Jesus' use of them. He used them knowing that those he was talking with would get them, if they opened the ears of their heart. If you overthink a parable, it becomes mush and can tell the opposite story. The people who thought themselves wise did not like what Jesus had to say. It was the simple that Jesus lifted up. Not because they were simple but because their faith was not mixed up with their education.

So, what message can this possibly have for us today? there is a strong suspicion in some circles in the US against education. As if education is a bad thing. Today, we need a little education to understand Jesus' parables simply because we live in a vastly different culture and time. We need to learn about Jesus' time and then translate the message, right?

I think we need to have a healthy discernment about wisdom and education and faith. Our lives will be an ever turning pendulum, swinging too far in either direction. Imaged this way, the goal can be to reduce the swing - to be able to discern when we need to be wise and when we need to listen to the heart's wisdom.

Grant us wisdom to know when to speak, when to be silent, when to accept, and when to have the courage to change what we can.
B

Satisfaction

Matthew 11:18-19 - For John came not eating or drinking and you say, "He has a demon." And the Son of Man came eating and drinking and you say, "Look, a glutton and a drunkard and friend of tax collectors and sinners." Yet wisdom is justified by her deeds.

We are never satisfied. It is difficult to express the mindset of one such depicted here. We look to others to make our lives complete or to feel okay. And they have their own agenda! So we are never satisfied because we refuse to look at our center. What in our life gives us stability? It cannot come from another - it must come from within. And the people arguing about Starbucks cups are missing the point: that Jesus came to teach us to love others and to show us how hard that truly is to do. Yet it is the only way of peace.

I think about DJ and France and Beirut this week. France has already retaliated against ISIS. I'm certain there will be retaliation for DJ and Beirut as well. Because we are not satisfied. We step on others to get what we want and when they cry foul we ignore them. When they use violence to get our attention, we fight back. We fight even when violence was not used. And so we miss Jesus' point: Only love can conquer hate. Only forgiveness can get us past violence. Only peace within ourselves can lead to peace with others.

Lord, forgive us. We truly do not know what we do.
Amen

Control

Matthew 11:16-17 - For what shall I compare this generation to? It is like children that call to other children in the marketplace, saying, "We piped for you and you did not dance. We wept and you did not mourn."

We want our way! Boy do we. We will always find something to criticize about others. This makes me think of Fox News and their random critiques that have less than zero substance behind them. They are distractions from the true issues. Like kids who want to control how the game is played.

The Republican candidates for president are like this as well. Pandering to what is lowest and basest in human nature - self- centeredness, greed, avarice. Policing others' bodies while considering themselves as above the law. Controlling others will not fix America's problems, which are legion and getting worse because there is lack of compromise in Congress.

It is worse when they complain about the victims of violence and oppression. Living in Chicago, we get used to hearing about shootings on a daily basis. Yet, here in Rogers Park, we had one yesterday and it is suddenly too real. Women looking for their kids, people crying, anger, sadness, disruption in the community all for a feud that in the end will not matter to more than a handful of people and maybe not even then. There will be a retaliation. The only questions are when and who. When will it happen? and Who will be shot? Will it be an innocent bystander or not? Will it be a child? By the police harrassing black people rather than policing them like the rest of us, they have unleashed on Chicago and other places a terrorism that is growing rather than diminishing. Their actions feed the actions of gangs. By trying to control black people, they have created terrorists, just as the US has done with other countries.

Lord, forgive us. We do not know what we do. Open our eyes to see the beauty and wonder of your creation that includes others who are not like us. Help us to welcome them, their cultures, and their traditions as you would. Change our focus from the petty to the deep and meaningful, from wishful thinking to facts, from hatred to love.

B

Violence

Matthew 11:12 - From the days of John the Baptist the kingdom of heaven has suffered violence and violent people take it by force.

Yeah. Ok. This is a weird one. How exactly does one do violence to the kingdom of heaven and how would one going about taking it by force? And, since they are still in the days of John the Baptist (technically) how recent is this idea? Is this one line that was added later?

Possibly inflicting violence on its prophets? Such as John the Baptist as well as Jesus himself? Taking it by force - could that be the rulers who collaborated with the Romans while running the temple?

More importantly, what does this phrase mean to me today? If I speak against God (kingdom of Heaven), does God suffer violence or are we talking about harsh words or actions? Hmm

I feel as though I'm missing something!
B

Upside down values

Matthew 11:11 - No one born from a woman is greater than John the Baptist. Yet the littlest in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.

So the least of these is greater in God's eyes than those who have power now. Those who seek glory, power, and money will lose their sense of self - and we are seeing this with the Republican Party in a big way. They will lose their way. The previous verse talks about making God's way straight - rather than the crooked ways of greed and power.

So, I must ask myself daily - what are my values today? Am I truly valuing the things that God values or am I trying for success in America's terms?
B

Seeking

Matthew 11:8-9 - Why then did you go out? To see men in fine robes? Men in fine robes live in palaces? To see a prophet? Yes, and more than a prophet.

The people are seeking something that the Jewish priests are not providing. They are seeking after every new thing that comes along and lucky for them, this time they hit pay dirt.
 
This speaks to our own seeking. What are we seeking? Are we trying to find answers that comfort rather than challenge us? Are we trying to find a god or spiritual discipline that makes us feel good - or even better than others?

God and Jesus call us back to our center. To the core of what we know is true. Seeking in all these places means we will never find what we are looking for. We must seek within ourselves first. To know who and what we are. Then God will find us  - however we picture God.

God is not in books, or consumer goods, or fine clothes, or nice houses, or sports, or academia, or in any hobby we give significance in our lives. They are only empty shells - empty idols. We will know the real thing when we find it.
B

Use your head

Matthew 11:4-6 - Jesus said to them "Go and tell John what you see: the blind receive their sight, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf receive hearing, the dead are raised, the poor have good news brought to them."

John wants a definitive answer. Jesus rarely gives definitive answers, choosing instead to give us something to think about and struggle with. Here, he tells the facts that John has presumably already heard - and implies that he must use his own judgment to determine whether Christ is the one or not.

So must we use our heads.
B

Questions

Matthew 11:2-3 - When John in prison heard about the deeds of Christ, he sent through his disciples a question: Are you the one who is coming or are we to look for/expect another?

I think we all have questions about our faith. It is natural to want the answers from some authority. John suspects that Jesus is the Messiah, the Christ. Yet he is unsure. So he asks. There are no stupid questions, right? I would add there are only stupid motives. The Pharisees and the scribes ask questions to trip Jesus up but this is not what is happening here. John has heard of Jesus' sayings and doings. He suspects he knows the answer and he sends people to ask. From prison, that is probably the best he can do. His motives are innocent.

What about our motives for asking questions of Jesus or others? Do we need all our answers to be clear as black and white? Or are we comfortable with letting things happen as they will? Are we able to act on our understanding of God's working through the Spirit and trust that if we are wrong it will still be okay? Questions are necessary. If we ask questions, waiting until everything is perfect before we act, sometimes, it will be too late. Sometimes things will never be clear. Living with ambiguity and unanswered questions is part of the struggle the Scots Confession talks about. Israel means one who struggles/fights with God.
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Receptive

Matthew 10:40 - Whoever receives you receives me and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.

We can no longer receive Christ in the flesh, yet we have the Spirit. We can receive those around us in love as Christ. What do I need to do today to keep my heart open to do this?

B

Challenging society

Matthew 10:35-36 - For I have come to set a man against his father and a daughter against her mother and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a person's enemies will be those of their household.

Jesus has come to challenge the society in which poor people and widows are not taken care of. He has come to explain the law of love. However, there are many that profit from the current system. They will defend it - the Pharisees, Scribes, and Sadduccees. Generationally, we are at war even today.

How can we overcome such divisions? By working to understand our "enemy". By accepting that they have a right to think and believe as they do. They probably have a good reason. Figuring out that reason leads to communication rather than argumentation.
B

Peace

Matthew 10:34 - Do not think that I have come to bring peace over the land; I have not come to bring peace but a sword.

I am puzzled by this. He is still talking with his disciples and giving them advice. Or is he? Is he now talking to those left behind or to all of them in a new location? The answers would help with the exposition.

How does this fit with the Christmas story of peace on earth? What does it mean to bring a sword. What does a sword do? Divides, kills, cuts. So, probably division rather than death. This is a continuation of his warning about those who will treat his hearers contemptuously. He is saying war and / or division is coming and we must accept it. He recognizes that his actions are going to irritate many. His actions as well as his ideas.

How does this apply to me today?
B

Worth

Matthew 10:29-31 - Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And yet not one of them falls to the ground without the will of your father. Even the hairs on your head are all numbered. So, do not fear for you are worth many sparrows.

Precious. Yes. We talked about this a lot at CPE yesterday. We must first understand our own preciousness so that we may be present to another. I we cannot see how we are precious - every part of us - then we will not be able to see it in another.

So, be happy. You are worth many sparrows.
B

Whom to fear

Matthew 10:27 - Do not fear those who are able to kill the body but who are not able to kill the soul. Rather fear the one who is able to kill both body and soul in Gehenna.

Who is able to kill both body and soul? Why does the soul seem more important here than the body? What does it mean to kill a soul? How does one kill a soul? Does the body necessarily have to die? What/Where is the place Jesus is referring to by "Gehenna."

Now, we often take this to mean - fear the devil. Yet, as someone whose own soul was slipping away, I think there is much more than just the devil to fear. Fear those things and/or those people that do not support life. Not just bodily life, but soul life as well. What kinds of things are those?

Attitudes, withholding help from others, incorrect assessments of harm, evil, the rationalizations that support evil, those who support actively doing harm to the least of these, policies and systems that destroy rather than build up. In short, the world. Not only should we fear these things, we should work against them to the best of our ability. We need to understand them. THis is very much a building of a bridge ...

Lots to ponder today as I recover from my cold ...
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Speak!

Matthew 10:26-27 - So do not fear them. For nothing is covered that will not be uncovered or hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the dark, speak it in the light and what you hear whispered, shout from the rooftops.

Them - it seems we are back to those who will persecute you. Do not fear. Tell them what I have told you. That is the calling of the disciples. What you hear in secret, proclaim in the streets. In other words, do not keep silence. When someone asks for an accounting, tell them. Do not worry now about what you will say then.

Do not be afraid - or ashamed.
B

Humility?

Matthew 10:24-25 - The disciple is not above his master and the slave above his lord. It is sufficient for the disciple to become as his master and the slave as his lord. If they call the master of the house, "Beelzebub", how much more the members of the house?

I have been thinking of this for several days. I think it might have something to do with humility. We are not to think of ourselves too highly nor strive to be the best. Clearly the class distinctions are kept - I don't see any social rearranging going on in this passage. I wonder if it was added later to tone the rest of the passage down? To reassure outsiders that the Christians were no threat to society?

So, I am going with humility here. Knowing our place in relation not to our betters, but to God.

Self-care

Matthew 10:23 - When they persecute you in one town, flee to another. Amen, I say to you, you will not have gone through all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man returns.

Well, not sure what to say about this. Except, again, we are allowed to leave when we are not granted hospitality or are in fact persecuted. There is therefore an element of bodily autonomy in these passages. There is no request to become a martyr. Rather Jesus give permission to take care of ourselves.

Betrayal

Matthew 10:21-22 - And brother will hand over brother to death and father, children. Children will rise against their parent to have them killed. You will be hated by all because of my name. But the one who endures to the end, this one will be saved.

There is so much here about betrayal. Reading this today, we know that this is what happened to Jesus - he was betrayed by one of his own "family." Even today, there are places where these happen - in America and all around the world. This speaks to how I felt about Eric. I felt betrayed. Not only by Eric, but by Debbie and Jan as well. I think this bled over into my ministry this week and I need to let it go NOW.

I also want to ponder the question, what does it mean to endure? I think it might have something to do with integrity. My work place is going through a revision similar to Cychem after it was sold to Vasu. This time, I am on the outside somewhat as I do not work often - although I have worked a lot over these two weeks. Yet, I still want to stand with those who are mistreated. They are having talks and hoping to be civil with management. Management is not being civil and I think there will come a time when unionizing will be all that's left. Part of me questions the ethics of continuing to work there and part of me wants to stay to stand with those who are being mistreated - I am not immune. Integrity and hospitality. Integrity is an integral part of hospitality and that is one thing I need to work on regarding my childhood.
B

Trust

Matthew 10:17-20 - Beware of (lit: give heed to, attend to) men, for they will betray you to councils and flog you in their synagogues; and you will be dragged before governor's and kings because of me; and as a testimony to them and to the nations. When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak and what you are to say; for what you are to say will be given to you at that time. For it is not you who speak but the spirit of your Father speaking through you.

This passage speaks of trust but also caution. It starts out with beware. But given the context of the rest of the passage - trusting God with our words and our bodies and our lives - that may not be the best translation. I think better would be; be warned, pay attention to what I'm about to say about men/ people in general.

We are to trust that whatever comes into our lives, God will give us words, tools, and actions to handle it. God is with us - in Spirit.
B

Wise and innocent

Matthew 10:16 - Behold, I send you as sheep among wolves. Therefore become wise as serpents and innocent as doves.

I have always thought that wisdom and innocence are contrasted here. Yet, this morning, I think they are complementary. Wise being prudent and thoughtful, innocence being authentic, honest. (guileless) So, Jesus is telling the apostles (the ones sent) to become, to cultivate wisdom and innocence. I think he is asking the same of us.

I find it interesting here that serpents are given a good quality. They are described as wise, yet, in the garden the serpent was wise yet deceitful - sly, wily. So, here we can see that the good qualities of serpents are desired and the bad quality, guile, is explicitly rejected in favor of the innocence and honesty, openness of doves.

The kind of wisdom he wants is street smarts, although I'm sure many would reject that idea. Jesus knew which way the political wind blew in his time. He knew about human nature - that is street smarts; being able to read situations and respond accordingly. He is asking us to become, to cultivate an awareness of our nature as well as others. Yet, he doesn't want us to use this information against others or ourselves as the serpent in the garden did. He wants us to be honest, guileless. The wisdom we cultivate should be used to build up rather than destroy and our purity, our innocence should likewise be used to build up others. Possibly to be an example of living an honest, open life. Possibly this is a good verse for my CPE?
B

Hospitality

Matthew 10:15 - I tell you it will be better for the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah than for those towns.

Because they were not welcoming. Not so much because they wouldn't hear the message; they did not receive the disciples and give them a place to stay.

And I too have not been welcoming. I came home from shopping this morning to find that one of the Roldan's had again parked in our garage. They would not answer the door. I was so angry, I asked Peter to call and then come over and see if he could get them to answer the door. I did not treat Peter well. I was not welcoming to the Roldan or Peter.

So, I will let Peter know when he comes home that I am sorry. I will let him know this was because I have not been taking care of myself emotionally. I have been angry these past few weeks and have not done anything about it. So, the car in our garage was the last straw.

I realize I am angry because I am tired of fighting for every single thing - even things that I should not have to fight for. I am angry at Eric for ignoring me, I am angry at Roldan for making his problem my problem, and I am angry at Debbie for not really standing up for me, and at Peter for thinking an email would be a sufficient way to deal with the garage issue. I am tired of being taken advantage of - especially in my own home. I would like to be more welcoming but for that to happen i need to feel supported by my husband and my neighbors and my church. And none of those things is true this morning.

So, how to welcome them anyway? How to welcome the difficult people? How to welcome those who might again hurt me? I cannot do it on my own. God, you're gonna have to.
B

Letting Go

Matthew 10:14 - And if no one receives you or listens to your words, then go out from that house or that town and shake the dust off your feet.

In other words, leave them to God. Do not pester them or harangue them. Do not say you'll pray for them. Do not bring it up in conversation whenever you see them. Turn them over to the care of God. Evangelism is just as much about when to quit as it is when to start.

But, it's okay to agree to disagree. Not just about God and Love, but also about other things. We do not have to convince everyone that we are correct and they must agree with us. We can learn to let it go and live and let live. So many Christians need to learn this.

This also brings up my situation with Eric. Am I not knowing when to let something go? How important is it? Am I now trying to convince Eric of something that he refuses to get? I often think about my part here. I need reminding that this is important. If he treated me that way, he will treat others that way. If he cannot see, he will not change. However, and this is where this verse comes up. It is not my job to make him see. He may never get it. No matter how he responds, I am bowing out and turning it over to session or the CPM. They have authority that I do not have to make sure he understands how important it is to treat congregants well and to learn ways not to panic.

So today, I will think of other things that I need to let go of. For my sake and for the sake of others around me.
B

Worthy

Matthew 10:11 - Whatever town or village you enter, find whoever in it is worthy and remain there until you leave.

This is interesting. Jesus himself ate with tax collectors, right? How was he worthy? What does Jesus mean by worthy? Clearly he cannot mean the people in power, the elders. At least not exclusively. A related question is, "worthy of what?" Worthy of their presence? of being blessed? of being trusted? All three?

So today all I have are questions:
What is worthy to me? How do I interpret worthy in this passage? Am I worthy? In what ways am I worthy? In what ways am I not worthy?

Additionally, this passage highlights the fact that judgment is necessary. This is not the same judgment referred to in chapter 7 - Do not judge lest you be judged. No, I think this judgment might be labeled discernment, the good kind of judgment. So often these are confused because they sometimes look the same. They differ in the motivation of the judger/discerner.
B

Trust

Matthew 10:9-10 - Acquire no gold, nor silver, nor copper in your belt; no bag for the journey, nor two tunics, nor sandals nor a staff, for the laborer is worthy of his food.

This is interesting. The verb that has traditionally been translated as "take" is actually the verb "to acquire." In other words, not only are they to start out without gold, silver or copper, they are also not to receive (acquire) any on the journey. At least not for themselves. The verb is in a reflexive case. So, they can apparently receive food and drink and presumably a place to rest (I think that comes up in the next sentences), but nothing that they can take with them.

So, Jesus has sent the twelve on this journey - a vision quest of sorts - a journey designed to show them that God is indeed trustworthy and will provide for them. And he does. but how do we make sense of these sentences, these instructions to trust, when so many Syrian refugees have died trying to get to safety. How can I address this? Write my representatives? Offer to house some? I missed the scope of the problem when news media called them "migrants." These people are not migrants, they are refugees and we need to accept them as such. I think we are being called to help. When others have to take this journey, the rest of us are called to help in any way we can.

House, send money to orgs helping, churches taking refugees, families, helping those already in our midst.

But, we need to be doing this for all people! Not just the "sexy' ones.
B

Free

Matthew 10:8 - Heal those who are sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out the demons; freely you received, freely give.

We have freely received grace, love, joy, and hope from God - we must let that flow through us to others. We must be a channel/instrument of God's peace. God's peace enfolds love, pardon, faith, light, hope and joy. We are asked to always look for ways to help those we meet in our day to day lives. This is not easy, or he wouldn't have to mention it!

We are busy, afraid, judgmental, selfish, proud, hateful or any of a host of things. We tell ourselves that so that we do not have to bear the cost of being a neighbor. Lord, help me to see where I can be neighborly today and everyday.
B

Heaven

Matthew 10:7 - And as you go, preach, saying, "The Kingdom of Heaven has come near."

What wondrous news that must have been to those who heard it! What wondrous news it is meant to be for us. But how do we understand the term "kingdom of heaven?" In Matthew, it usually means God. God has come near. God is in our midst - just as She is in the midst of the new Jerusalem (Psalm 46). What wondrous news! and what scary news!

Scary?

Yes. Because God's being in the midst of us is a constant reminder that we are to be about God's work, challenging us to go ever deeper in our relationship with him and with others - our neighbors. For the Israelites, the day of judgment was not a happy one! It meant fear and punishment. But often they felt so proud of their heritage they forgot this.

But for Jesus, it means both judgment and blessing. As with many theophanies, it is joyous and scary and wonderful and challenging. We do not always know what to make of it when God appears in our midst. But I am here to tell you that we need not worry. Jesus is both our judge and our accuser. God is love and we will not die forever.
B

Conversion - or Not

Matthew 10:5-6 - Jesus sent these twelve apostles charging them saying, "Do not go to the roads of the Gentiles nor to the towns of the Samaritans, but rather go to the lost sheep of the house of Israel."

Because Jesus wasn't about conversion so much as he was about bringing the sheep home. His message was for the lost sheep - not the Pharisees or those who were truly pious, but to those that society and the Jewish authorities had marginalized. Those who needed help finding the way.

I was a lost sheep and Jesus found me. I cannot say why. I feel called to go to the other lost sheep and be there for them like others were there for me. There are so many lost sheep that our society shuns and shames - homeless people, mentally ill people, lonely people, prideful people, people who are lost but are not aware of it, African-Americans here in the US, LGBTQ people, refugees, immigrants, women who have been abused or raped, so so many people. There is no need for conversion, except conversion of our (my) hearts that we may go to these people as Jesus did and be with them, share their experiences and share God's love.
B

Authority

Matthew 10:1 - And he called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority over unclean spirits; to cast them out and to heal all diseases and infirmities.

So, do we also have the authority over unclean spirits and diseases and infirmities? Clearly not. At least, sometimes, doctors do. Yet, rarely can we heal by touch. Except in cases of spiritual malaise. That can be healed by being loved back to life. Others have done this for me and I want to give back by doing the same for others.

Using what authority I do have - over my own actions, responses, thoughts and feelings toward others.
B

Laborers

Matthew 9:37-38 - Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is large and the laborers are few. We must ask the Lord of the harvest to send more laborers.

One idea - he makes no distinction between immigrant and native laborers. Maybe neither should we ...

Also, have I been harvesting to my full capacity? If not, maybe I should think about where I am being called and why I am not doing it.

Third - in regards to Eric - he needs some laborers on his side and I am not going to be one of them. I have explained my feelings clearly (with examples!) and if he doesn't understand, it is his job to find someone to help him.

I'm off to a new church today. I am excited as I need some worship!
B

Compassion

Matthew 9:35-36 - And Jesus went to all the towns and villages teaching in their synagogues, and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every sickness and infirmity. Seeing the crowds, he felt compassion for them because they were harassed and troubled, like sheep without a shepherd.

Compassion. I could spend the rest of my life writing about compassion and how much I need to acquire it for others and I still wouldn't cover the topic. Having compassion is almost better than healing. Healing is great but not at the expense of the relationship. The relationship is important too! I need to like my doctors and those who help.

In particular, I am having trouble being compassionate toward Eric. He just failed so abominably that trying to explain the many ways he failed seems like a Herculean task. However, I am coming to terms with holding his hand. Well, for two hours. We'll see after that. Anyway, he has been homeless, I can try that example or the fact that he was so overwhelmed by the time Debbie got back. Hopefully, one of those situations will put him in a powerless mindset. Then perhaps I can ask how it felt if/when people ignored him while he was homeless. Or what if Debbie had just told him to suck it up and moved on to another topic of conversation? If those don't do it I have nothing... It's not possible to teach compassion. One only gets it by practicing it and Eric seems to be lacking it. At least, he doesn't see himself as one of us. He gives lectures rather than sermons. Preaching is teaching yet it differs from a lecture because it takes into account the lives of its recipients. Eric is stuck in his head. I've been thinking about requesting that he get a spiritual director - someone not involved in the church or his regular life to talk things over with. He would have benefited from doing so this time around.

I'm struggling to have compassion on my primary care doctor a well as my rheumatologist. Well, my primary care person can't help where she works. But Duby can be less judgmental! I just received registered letters checking up on my progress to get a colonoscopy and a mammogram. It's my life - leave me alone. Ugh. Fuck doctors and men.
B

Belief

Matthew 9:27-31 - And as he left that place, two blind men followed him crying and saying, "Have mercy on us, Son of David." And he entered the house and as they came in he said to them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" They said, "Yes, Lord." Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith, may it be done for you." And their eyes were opened. He warned them sternly not to tell anyone. But they spread the story throughout the whole land.

So, not just action is required. We have seen in the past few days that action is required for Jesus/God to act. We need to move so God can guide us. God will not push. Yet, action is not enough. We need to believe that Jesus can do it. We need to believe that we/the situation can change. The two blind men believed and acted on that belief. According to their faith it was done for them.

This does not address what happens when we believe and it does not happen. I honestly am not sure how best to talk about that. Clearly, the answer to every prayer cannot be yes or no one would die and the planet would be pretty darn crowded. What does it mean when the thing we want to change doesn't? My aunt in Las Vegas is sick right now and is refusing treatment. I think that was a good decision. She is a strong woman and keeping her dignity is important. I know her children will give her a good death.

Parabolic hope. We make things as good as they can get and try to accept the things that won't change. But only as we work on changing those things we can. This is not an all-purpose excuse to sit on our butts! Things will not change if we do that. I think the discernment from yesterday comes in here. We need to be able to see where God might be leading and try to follow.
B

Perspective and discernment

Matthew 9:23-26 - And going into the house of the ruler and seeing the flute player and mourners, he said, "Depart, for the girl is not dead but sleeping." They laughed at him. After casting them out he entered the room, grasped the girl by the hand and she rose up. And the report of that went through the whole district.

So, in thinking about this I focused on the perspective of Jesus and that of the crowd. Jesus/God sees as we do not. We see the material reality - much like Sarah - but God see the possibilities latent in all of us. That is why discernment is so important. There is not one way of seeing any situation. Jesus presents a different perspective and he is laughed at. How many times have we laughed at someone with a different perspective?

In thinking about my next move in ministry, I am realizing there is not one answer to where God is calling me. Discernment is necessary to see another perspective on my choices. God can work with any action we take or situation we find ourselves in. Today I choose to look for another perspective on things.
B

Action

Matthew 9:20-22 - And look a woman who had been suffering for 12 years with a hemorrhage came up behind him and touched his robe. For she said to herself, "If I only touch the fringe of his garment, I will be made well." And Jesus turned and seeing her said, "Take courage, daughter, your faith has made you well."

This story is similar to yesterday's in that Jesus was willing to heal someone. In this case, it was a marginalized person - a woman who was unclean due to her bleeding. Jesus healed her AND made it possible for her to come back into community. Yet, he did not just walk by and heal her. She had to take some action on her own behalf. This is an important aspect of Jesus' healing. He doesn't just randomly heal people. They need to ask first. Or in this case, touch his robe. We, too, cannot just sit around and wait for healing to come. Trusting in God does not work like that. We need to give God something to work with. God with us works with us.
B

Willingness

Matthew 9:18-19 - And while he was saying these things, look, a ruler came and knelt before him saying, "My daughter has just died, but come and lay your hand on her and she will be saved." And Jesus followed him with his disciples.

Two things: Jesus is willing to help all who ask. We might think we are unworthy, but Jesus does not. Case in point: the ruler here is the oppressor of the Jewish people. Yet, Jesus treats him better than the Pharisees and the scribes. Because the ruler is willing to be humble, to see that although he rules over these people, Jesus has something that he does not - the power to bring his daughter back to life. Thus he kneels before him. He recognizes that he is unworthy. The Pharisees and scribes are not able or willing to do so.

Today, I too am willing to kneel before Jesus and ask for healing, knowing I am worthy.
B

Common sense

Matthew 9:16-17 - "No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment for the cloth will pull away and a worse tear will be made. Also, no one puts new wine into old wineskins lest the wine pour out and the wineskin is destroyed. Rather, new wine is put into new wineskns and both are preserved."

"I have come to call not the righteous but sinners ..." "When the bridegroom is gone from them they will fast ..." Verses 16 and 17 coming up on these last two sayings makes it clear that Jesus is talk about common sense. It is only common sense that the healer comes to those who need healing, the sick. It is only common sense that the bridegrooms friends will feast during the reception. Yes? The last two sayings make it clear that all four are grouped together under common sense.

But what is he contrasting common sense with? In the first case it is the marginalization of outcasts. Jesus sees in them something that no one even tries to see. He sees them as made in God's image, just like everyone else. Thus, we should not cast them out but bring them back into society. So he goes to them and talks and eats with them and figures out what they need that he can give. He then helps them back into society, into community with others. He heals them and in so doing he heals society.
Yet he also offers them - and others who see it - hope. Hope for them and for a better future.

In the second case, he is contrasting common sense with the fasting rule John has implemented. This I find a little more difficult. Why? John is usually not a target, but perhaps that is why John is not a disciple? Did they go their separate ways because of divisions like this? It is clear from the gospels that Jesus liked to party. He is often pictured having meals with people. Is there a way to link this to hope somehow? Giving others permission to be happy? Perhaps John is too serious? I know that can be a problem in the church today - I think Peter is sometimes too serious. But, really, without laughter and friends, we would all be lost. Because hope lies in communities of love and respect and empathy. That is really what Jesus offers, God's love and empathy.
B

Fasting pt II

Matthew 9:15 - The day will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them and then they will fast.

This is true of all death, right. When someone we love dies, we do not even want to eat. We mourn. So, when the wedding is still going on, party on. When it is time to mourn, we mourn.

Thinking about this in the context of the world, we are both at a party and at a death ...

Thinking about this in my own life, I need to mourn the loss of RPPC as a home church. I need to find a way to move on. I think I am shrinking from going to church because I haven't yet mourned - it will make it real.
B

Fasting

Matthew 9:14-15 - And some disciples of John said to him, "Why do we and the Pharisees fast while you and your disciples do not fast?" And Jesus answered him, "The guests at the wedding cannot fast while the bridegroom is with them. But the day will come when the bridegroom will be taken away and then they will fast."

So, Jesus is a bridegroom and the disciples are the guests at his wedding. Who is the bride? Israel. I think Jesus is continuing the wedding imagery of the Old Testament, in which God is the bridegroom and Israel is the bride. If this is true, the hearers would interpret it as blasphemy. Jesus is calling himself God.

Also, why a wedding? I think maybe because it was the time that all the neighbors rejoiced - a new union would mean new babies and the continuation of life. They partied for seven days! Maybe we are to think of life as a wedding and enjoy the party. God is our bridegroom - don't take that too literally! - and all shall be well. We are to rejoice in God's care and concern for us and for all creation. A theology of life.
B

Mercy

Matthew 9:10-13 - And as he was sitting at table in the house, he saw many tax collectors and sinners coming to sit down with Jesus and his disciples. And when the Pharisees saw it they asked his disciples about it. "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" When Jesus heard this he said, "Those who are well have no need of healing but rather those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, I desire mercy and not sacrifice. For I came not to call the righteous but sinners.

God desires mercy and Jesus comes down and shows mercy to the sinners. We all need mercy. We all need grace. We all need hope. Jesus offers that to us. Jesus comes to tell us how much his father, his daddy loves us. And we need to not be stingy with that love but to show others as well. Following Christ means offering God's love and mercy to others. Being a conduit or a channel of God's love and mercy.
B

Perfection

Matthew 9:9 - And moving along from that place he saw a man sitting at the tax office whose name was Matthew. He said to him, "Follow me." And he got up and followed him.

Just like that. He got up and followed him. How often do I count the financial, mental and physical cost before I get up and follow? I think we could all do better in this area.

Yet, I want to point out something different here. Matthew was a tax collector. A collaborator with the occupying Roman government. A traitor. And Jesus says, "Follow me." He does not tell him he needs to get right with God. He doesn't argue with him about his position. He doesn't ignore him or marginalize him. This enemy withing merely gets a command. Follow me. And he does. Without thinking about the financial cost. He is rich because of his position. He may have even cheated people and kept the difference.

The Bible (Old and New Testaments) is full of people like Matthew: David killed a man in order that his adultery was not found out, Moses killed a man, Abraham put his wife's physical safety at risk for his own gain, Jacob cheats his uncle in retaliation for having been cheated, Judah refuses to do his duty by Tamar. The list is pretty long. Yet, God used all these people anyway. He gave them his grace and favor anyway. We don't deserve God's attention any more than they did, but he gives it to us anyway.

Follow me. We do not have to be perfect to follow him. We just have to follow. God takes us where and how we are. Thanks be to God!
B

Fear and Glory

Matthew 9:8 - When the crowd saw this they became afraid and glorified God who gave such authority to people.

Fear and glory seem to go hand-in-hand. I know that if I saw this happen I would be afraid. Power is fear-inducing - and the Republicans use this to their advantage. It is part of that fight or flight response. But the crowd didn't flee. In fact, they glorified God. Because Jesus told them that God had given this power.

Pharisees fear is their loss of power. Crowd's fear is this new thing but also what the Pharisees might do, what the Romans might do. How often do we fear consequences of others' behavior? I think trust and faith in God is the only thing keeping me going some days. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

In response, they glorified God for giving such power and authority to people. Maybe we fear our own power? What power do I need to glorify God for and use?
B

Healing

Matthew 9:5-7 - For which is easier - to say "Your sins are forgiven?" or to say "Stand up and walk?" And so that you know the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins - then he said to the paralytic, "Stand up, take your bed, and go to your home." And he stood up and went home.

The Son of Man heals everything that needs healing once we ask. The scribes and the Pharisees do not ask and so they are not healed of their pride and their envy and their anger. They cannot see past their rules or the social norms of their society.

What in me needs healing today? Lord, help me to ask.
B

Blasphemy

Matthew 9:3-4 - And seeing this, some scribes said to themselves, "That is blasphemy." And Jesus, knowing what was in their minds, said, "Why do you think evil in your hearts?"

Blasphemy. Because Jesus was saying that he had the power to forgive, which belongs to God alone. Provocative! And the scribes cannot help themselves. They react - even in their hearts. How many times have I been the scribes as depicted here? I sometimes think I am being that way around RPPC. But, I remember how hard it is to be there and I know that I made the right decision. But, I can still be a scribe, a rule-minder and a critique of others who don't mind the rules. And it helps no one, which is what makes it evil. Outside of the fact that they were mistaken, it is evil because it allows no room for the spirit and is a sign of a small heart.

I come by it honestly, but that is no excuse. So, just for today, I will mind my own business and not get involved in others' actions. Whether they concern me or not. My focus is meant to be on Jesus and God's presence. I choose to open my heart to others as much as possible and to do my work today.
B

Forgiveness

Matthew 9:1-2 - And he got in the boat to cross over to his own country. And look, some people brought a paralytic before Jesus on a couch. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Take courage, child, your sins are forgiven."

This does seem an odd thing to say to a disabled person. Especially in light of how quickly he has healed others before without any mention of their sins. So, did he see something in the paralytic that prompted him to say this rather than heal him, which was clearly the point of bringing him? Or, does he see the scribes and Pharisees out to get him and taunt them a bit? To set up a teaching moment perhaps.

Clearly he is being provocative. To what end? The theology of the time was that only God forgives sins and only after the ritual is complete. Is he opening up forgiveness to all - without ritual or is he declaring himself God? Or is it both?

Jesus offers us spiritual healing as well as physical and mental/emotional healing. God looks at the whole heart.
B

Pigs

Matthew 8:30-34 - And there was a large herd of pigs feeding some distance away. And the demons cried, if you cast us out, send us into that herd of swine. And Jesus said, "Go." And the demons went into the pigs and the whole herd was cast down the cliff and drowned in the water. And the swineherds ran into the city and told the people. The people came from the city and saw what had happened with the pigs and they begged him to leave their region.

Every time I read this story, I think of all that food just being thrown away. Sure, it wasn't food for Jesus and the disciples. It was food for the Gentiles ... No wonder they didn't want him around!

So, why does Jesus grant them their wish? Maybe it is better into the pigs than into other humans?

Son of God

Matthew 8:28-29 - When they came to the other side, two men who were possessed by demons met them. They were so fierce that no one was able to pass through that road. And look! They shouted crying, "What have we to do with you, Son of God? Have you come here to torment us before the time?"

Before the time. Torment. Son of God. These demons seem to know more about Jesus than his disciples. They are still wondering who he is.

But now they are confronted by a storm of a different sort - a mental storm. Well, and possibly a physical storm as well. The demons - not the men! - cry out. They are worried that they will be tormented. So, they know about Jesus but they cannot see his heart - the one that does not want to torment others. They immediately think he is like them because they cannot see another way. They cannot see or imagine anyone having compassion because they do not. They know who he is but not what he is. Just like the disciples are wondering what he is.

The disciples have an inkling, but even they are not yet sure. This set up prepares us for the beautiful and somewhat confusing ending of the story. Well, at least from a Jewish person's point of view. The townspeople are not that happy.
B

Who is this?

Matthew 8:27 - And the men marveled saying, "What kind of man is this that even the winds and the sea/lake obey him?"

I find this question interesting considering that in the story that precedes it, they clearly trusted him to do something or they would not have requested his help. In fact, they cried, "Save us!" What did they think he would be able to do? And how did his actions change their thinking?

How did his actions change our thinking? This is one of those stories where the truth of the action is not as important as what the story is trying to say. Last time I wrote about Jesus calming the storms of our lives. IF he ever did calm actual storms, it doesn't seem that he does so any longer. Possibly, the things we think of as "storms" are really just a few raindrops? Although, the disciples were experienced fishermen - at least some of them - and they would have known what to do in the event of a storm. So, the storm in the story was clearly life-threatening.

What kind of man is Jesus? This is not just a question for our intellect. It is also a question for our hearts. Our answer should affect the way we live our lives. If we think Jesus is God, then following him means following his actions and God's commandments. Again, it means going beyond the negativity of the commandments into the positivity of life-affirming actions. That was the kind of man Jesus was: someone whose actions were consistently life-affirming and healing.

Go thou and do likewise.
B

Shaking

Matthew 8:23-26 - When Jesus got into the boat his disciples followed him. But look! a great shaking began in the lake so that the boat was being covered/swamped by the waves. And he was asleep. The disciples woke him saying, "Lord, save us! We are perishing!" But he said to them, "Why; are you afraid? You of little faith." And he rose and rebuked the winds and the lake. And there followed a great calm.

I find it interesting that the word "seismos" means shaking - not only of the earth but of other things. So there was a great shaking of the water - a storm. It is very descriptive! And I am thinking about the shakings in our own lives. Do we react like the disciples? Do we give up? Or do we trust? These are strange questions because the disciples do trust - they know Jesus will fix the problem. So why does he say they have only a little faith? There is clearly something I'm missing here.

Is he saying that trust in God means praying? Had they tried praying? The text doesn't tell us. Who were they not trusting? Maybe he is saying that God in heaven - not Jesus is who they lack faith in. That is difficult for me, living in the 21st century, to get. Because we talk so much about faith in Jesus. We forget that his own faith was in "his father in heaven." So, they went to a person - a creation if you will - rather than the one who could help, God. Did they already see Jesus as God? I would judge from his reaction that they did not.

So, what do I do when the shaking begins? Do I pray? Not usually. Unfortunately, I tend to do that last. I do pray in the morning and sit in silence, listening for God. It just does not carry throughout the day yet. That, and the shaking has to be fairly major - like Eric's manipulation - to impact me enough to pray first.

I think Paul's advice to pray without ceasing is germane here. Help me to remember to pray without ceasing.
B

Burying the Dead

Matthew 8:21-22 - Another of his disciples said to him, "Permit me first to go and bury my father." And Jesus said to him, "Follow me and send/leave the dead to bury their own dead."

This is, to me, a weird thing for Jesus to say for several reasons. First, why the urgency? Jesus is advocating foregoing societal norms. Maybe it's not urgency so much as asking the person to choose; God's way or the human way. Possibly he suspects the young man (probably) of wanting to have it both ways? He wants to follow but is not yet ready. The "world" still has a hold on his thinking. He is not yet free of the Law. I remember someone somewhere saying something like once you go beyond the Law to Love, everything you do is for the good of all. That ties it into the idea of going beyond. In fact, what he might be saying is we need to go beyond the Law to the Spirit of the Law. Calvin would agree. One must first obey the prohibitions but one must also perform the opposite tasks. Not only must we not murder, we must also perform life-giving/growing acts toward others. Going beyond the original prohibition. Because that is where God lives.

Another question I have is about "the dead." I imagine Jesus must mean spiritually dead. Those who are dead to the Spirit due to their focus on adhering to the letter of the law and ignoring the Spirit. Their bodies are living but their spirits are dead. They are lost. I think this happened to me as a result of my dad's alcoholism and my mother's attempts to deal with it. No disrespect to either of them. They were lost too. Yeah. Spiritually dead. I see many people on the right that way. Their focus is money over people. It breaks my heart that so many are caught in their web.
Beyond the Law.
B

Following Jesus

Matthew 8:18-20 - Seeing a great crowd around him, Jesus ordered them to go to the other side. And a scribe came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have their dens and birds of the air their nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head."

I will follow you wherever you go. This is so easy to say and so hard to actually do. Jesus goes where love is needed. Where healing is wanted. Where comfort is lacking. To the last, the least, and the lost. Yet, he goes a step beyond - "the other side" can also be translated as "beyond." Clearly it means the other side of the lake in this context, but I want to think about "beyond."

Because Jesus goes beyond being with the marginalized - he identifies with them, in fact, becomes one of them in order to minister to them. Now, I am not saying that we should all be homeless. I am saying that for me, my possessions surround me and form a barrier to love coming in. This is Peter's thing as well. To be in the midst of those we are ministering to and to recognize that they minister to us as well. Perhaps more so depending on the day! This is what the Catholic Worker House was/is about. Living in community and communion with those on the margins. I can feel myself slowly doing this. Slowly. It is so hard to just chuck it all and go. Beyond.

Following Jesus means going beyond again and again. Not knowing where we'll end up! Going beyond. How do I need to go beyond today?
B

Weakness

Matthew 8:17 - This was so that the words of Isaiah the prophet might be fulfilled, "He took our weaknesses and bore our diseases."

So weaknesses can be sickness as well. In the context of healing that translation makes more sense. I myself am intrigued by this as I have lupus. Have I ever thought to hand it over? Have I ever thought that Jesus/Christ might take it on somehow? Have I ever thought that because God came down as a person, he understands. His empathy has been strengthened through experiencing our weakness and disease. Understanding seems a big one to me lately.

All of this is good, yet I want to look at it in the sense of weakness rather than illness. Paul claims that when we are weak (which in relation to God is always) he/they are strong. God is always strong. God's hands are always outstretched toward us - ready to receive us and to be in relationship with us. None of us can be perfect, yet God gives us grace anyway. Grace to get through one more day. Grace to let go of all that does not build up. Grace to expose our weak spots. Trusting that they will not be trampled on. Trusting that if they are trampled on, it will not be the end of the world.

No longer needing things to be just so, but being able to adapt more smoothly. Where do I need to admit weakness and let God act?
B

Bringing our Brokenness to him

Matthew 8:15 - In the evening, they brought to him many who had demons; he cast the spirits out with a word and healed all those who were sick.

As I thought about this, I realize (again) that Jesus did not heal everyone. They had to reveal their brokenness to him for healing. This goes exactly against what we are taught to do - at least I was taught to do - which is to hide our imperfections and put our best foot forward. Yes, that is appropriate in many ways and places. Yet it is not appropriate in our relationship with Jesus.

Jesus wants to heal us and for that to happen we must acknowledge that we need healing. This is so difficult for many of us. It is difficult for me. I want to imagine that I have it all together! The pastor on Sunday spoke about the unfortunate man who tried to stabilize the ark and was killed for trying to control the outcome, trying to control God. They were not carrying it correctly in the first place and his touching it got him killed. In much the same way I want to control how others see me.

I want to control my call; where I'll go, what I'll do, when I'll do it. It is so hard to let this all be right now and take the next right step - which is getting another CPE unit under my belt. There is so much in the air and I have been learning to be comfortable with having things in the air. And yet, I have way too many moments of trying to control things over which I have no power to control. This is my major brokenness.

So, just for today, I choose to go with God's flow and pace for my life and my calling. God is with me. All is well.
B

Service

Matthew 8:14-15 - Then Jesus went to the home of Peter and saw that his mother-in-law was laid down and was feverish. He stretched out his hand and the fever left her and she got up and served him.

Not them - him. So did she serve him a meal? Or was there another way to serve him? If a meal, why just him and not them. Clearly he didn't go by himself to Peter's house. There was probably a crowd along with him. And where was Peter's wife?

Was she living with her parents while Peter roamed the countryside? Was she perhaps dead? Why go to the mother-in-law's house (possibly husband dead?) rather than his parent's home. Did they not have one? Were they estranged because he and his brother took off and left their father to work alone? So many questions packed into this one short scene.

At any rate, Jesus heals her and in her gratitude she serves him. Perhaps we should follow that example as best we can. Looking for ways to serve - a meal, washing, hospitality, generosity, speaking up for the least of these. Maybe she not only served a meal, but followed that up with other types of support.
B

Faith

Matthew 8:10-12 - And Jesus said, "Nowhere else in Israel have I found such faith. I say to you that people shall come from the east and west to eat in the kingdom of heaven but the heirs to the kingdom will be sent into the outer darkness, where there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth."

In other words, the Jewish people had no faith and would be outside of God's kingdom. What an indictment. Of Israel yes, but also of Christians today. We might consider ourselves heirs of the kingdom, yet we, too sometimes stand on our laurels. We forget that following Christ means doing as he did; loving and accepting everyone. Time and again he is shown interacting with society's worst (then) and finding something redeemable in all of them. Each and every one. It is my goal to have that same love for others. I think I especially need it for Peter today. I made it a little rough yesterday.

Thank God he continues to give us grace anyway! Else I would have none.
B

Authority

Matthew 8:9 - For I am a man with authority with soldiers under me. I say to this one, "Go" and he goes. And to that one, "Come" and he comes or to my servant, "Do this" and he does it.

Authority. Jesus had authority over sickness, demons, sin and ultimately death. Jesus the Christ, still has authority over these things. The centurion recognizes authority in others and thus he has faith that Jesus can heal his servant.

As I am in a hotel room on the way to Cleveland I will think today about what I give Jesus authority over in my life today. Is there something I need to let go of? Something that he can heal but that I am still holding on to? I will be aware of what I am holding back today.
B

Healing and worthiness

Matthew 8:5-8 - When he entered Capernaum, a Centurion came to him pleading and said, "Lord, my servant/child is laid up at home, paralyzed and in great torment. And he answered him, "I will come and heal him." But the centurion replied, "Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof. Only say a word and my servant/child shall be healed."

The centurion speaks for us all! None of us are worthy to have God come under our roofs. And he comes anyway. We are not worthy of her grace, and she gives it to us anyway. We crucify Christ, we hurt each other, we are greedy, lustful, slothful, jealous creatures. Yet God gives us grace anyway.

Because that is not all that we are! We were made in God's image - which means that we are God's representatives here on earth. We suck at it, but that is what we are. We are capable of so much more than being greedy, lustful, slothful, jealous creatures. WE are also faithful, loving, simple, productive creatures. That is the paradox of what it means to be human.

Lord, we are not worthy to have you come under our roofs. Yet you come anyway; bringing healing and love and comfort and joy and grace because you love us. Help us today to be grateful.
B

Gratitude

Matthew 8:4 - And Jesus said to him, "See that you say nothing to anyone. Rather go and show yourself to the priests and offer the gift that Moses commanded as a testimony/witness to them.

Gratitude. When we receive healing we are to show gratitude to the healer and to witness/share our story with others.

It so happens that I have a healing story this morning. I emailed Eric Thursday night saying that I would no longer be coming because I was feeling controlled, manipulated and coerced. It was making me very uncomfortable. I talked with Peter about it a lot. Yesterday I talked with Maria as well. I shared with her how it felt like I was possibly overdoing it. I also shared that I thought perhaps the initial letter to Eric was unclear in that I focused on the assigning of teams and not on the entire process. And yet I knew I had done what I needed to do for me.

In my email to Eric, I made it plain that I would be available after Peter and I returned from Cleveland. Last night, just as Peter and I were going on our walk, he phoned. Of course I didn't answer and he had left a message. I did not listen to it right away. Instead I told Peter a little more about Dave because I wanted him to have that extra context. Peter is a rock! He grasped what I was saying immediately. He realized the two situations were similar and he realized that Eric had overstepped the boundary I laid down.

When we got closer to the lake, we sat down and listened to the message. I have already deleted it but I remember the part about how he, Eric, did not see the letter as coercive. That was when I deleted it. I asked Peter if he saw what was wrong with that. He said, it's not about him. I love that man! :) So I shared a similar situation with Dave - his claiming that he wanted to come pick some stuff up, but really just wanting to see me - and how I handled that.

Eric had called Peter as well asking how he felt about it. To his credit, Peter said nothing about wanting to call Eric back. Finally, Eric emailed about two hours after he had called. I put a filter on my account that will send him to the trash and blocked him from my phone. If he tries calling or emailing again, I will not see it.

I felt truly supported and affirmed that my decision was the correct one. And I did not have to wait for things to escalate before I took care of myself. That is the healing - that I did what I knew I had to do and took care of myself rather than trying to make everyone happy with my decision. I am the only one I need to please here. I do have some work to do around this - I need to be able to deal with manipulative people at some point in my career - yet I can see that I did the right thing.

So, now to express my gratitude, I promise myself that when I catch myself thinking about this while I'm on break, I will stop and refocus on God and what the next right step is. I refuse to let this situation get in the way of Peter and I having a good time.
B

Healing

Matthew 8:1-3 - When he came down from the mountain, a great crowd followed him. Look! a leper came and knelt before him saying, "Lord, if you wish, you can make be clean." And having stretched forth his hand, he touched him saying, "I do wish. Be made clean." And immediately, his leprosy was cleansed.

Healing and God's wish. God wishes to heal us. But so often we forget to ask. If we wish, we can be made clean. The thing I'd like to keep in my mind both today and during the next week is that God wishes to heal both Peter and me. This week will give us time away from our respective challenges and give us space to enjoy each others company.

I wrote Eric a letter yesterday telling him to take my name off the team. I forwarded my original letter just in case he had not yet seen it. I explained that I was no longer going to be a regular worshiper at RPPC. I acknowledged the crappy timing. And requested that if he wanted to discuss it, I would be available after the 13th. So, I do not have that on my mind. At least much. I bring this up because I see healing in this. I see myself taking care of myself. I see myself acknowledging a painful reality. And I see myself not giving in to the voice inside my head that tells me I am being selfish or childish. I need healing when I go to worship - not a lecture no how things are going to be different. I need to hear how God cares and heals and how she is helping our church. But for the last six months all we've gotten has been warnings and lectures about the change. And each time, I feel a little worse.

I do not intend to tell Eric this, but I want to reinforce it for myself. God wants us all to heal and right now I can see that my healing needs to be done elsewhere.

I see God working to heal Peter as well. The situation at work looks grim, but it is a golden opportunity for them to really look at their policies and structures. I hope they are able to do so.
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Authority

Matthew 7:27-8 - And when he finished these sayings, the crowd was astonished at his teaching, for he taught (or his teaching was) as of one having authority. and not as that of the scribes.

So my question is: Was it the words of the scribes that lacked authority or their manner? I suspect it was the teaching itself. So, what did the scribes then teach? Clearly, Jesus' teaching was radical and astonishing. It does not seem that way to many of us because we have incorporated these ideas into our civilization and culture. Yet they were fairly new to the Jewish people hearing them at this time. Or at least the author of Matthew wanted his audience to think so.

I'll have to think about this more ...
B

Foolish Foundation

Matthew 7:26-7 - But the one who listens to my words and does not do them is like a foolish man, who built his house on sand. Then the rains fell, the floods came, the wind blew and beat against that house and it fell and great was its fall.

So foundation is important. Love of God is our foundation. At least the foundation on living rock.

"Great was its fall." This intrigues me. Does it mean that losing the house was a great calamity - which it surely was? Does it mean the house was large and therefore its fall is large? Our houses are generally our biggest investment. They cost more than other things we own. The same was true then. The impact would have been tremendous to the owner. The time and money poured into building the house would have been enormous. Even if it was a small house.

Or, does it mean its fall was complete? There was not salvaging any of it? This seems likely. It at least has possibilities. So, the foundation of our plans is the key to their execution. If the premise is wrong, the argument falls flat. If our thinking is faulty, our actions will be faulty as well. If our hearts are not on God, are not centered on God, our actions will not be fruitful - well, they will not produce good fruit. Loving actions add love to the world, hateful actions add hate.

What is our/my foundation?
B

Foundation

Matthew 7:24-5 - And everyone who hears these words of mine and does them is like a wise man, who built his house upon a rock. And the rain fell and the wind blew and beat upon that house but it did not fall because it had been built (founded) upon a rock.

Two things:
1 - Foundation
2 - Living rock

The question then becomes what words is he talking about? All the previous words: the beatitudes, do not judge, good fruit, ask, seek, knock, do unto others. Those are the foundation of our actions. The center. They tell us to not just think about ourselves - our needs, how right we are - but to also think about our neighbor - help them when we can, do not act in ways that would harm them.

So, what is my foundation? Where are my roots? What feeds me? What keeps me going?

Another thing about foundations -we generally do not see them working; but they are there and they are necessary. If we flaunt our foundations, we crack them! Doing Christ's words needs to be automatic, something that becomes a part of us but not so public that they hide who we are or the cause of the poor or oppressed.

Living rock petra as opposed to regular rock (petros). Living rock is rock that can be built upon. Regular rock is mountain rock that we can carve graves and caves out of. The living rock and the living water. Names for Christ. Christ is our foundational rock. If that is true, then we must follow his teachings. They must be our foundation as they were/are his.

B

Lamentation

Matthew 7:21-23: Not everyone who says to me "Lord, Lord,' will enter the kin-dom of heaven. Only those doing the will of my father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, "Didn't we prophecy in your name, didn't we cast out many demons in your name, and were we able to do many things in your name?" And I will declare to them, "I never knew you. Depart from me you workers of lawlessness."

So, I've been thinking more about my response to Rev. Moore. I've been thinking of racism as a white problem. We are the only ones able to fix it. So how can I make my voice heard? How I can I say with love that not only is now the time, but we are the people to begin to solve this problem.

I spoke with Peter yesterday and we talked about holding a weekly prayer service, specifically a service of lamentation. Weekly and after shootings in the neighborhood or other atrocities committed against black people by white people. A witness that begins with lamentation - lamenting with our brothers and sisters. Mourning with those who mourn and weeping with those who weep. Peter then told me about Nora's prayer walk and I am wondering whether we can do something like that weekly. Not just in this neighborhood though. I would like it to include the parts of the neighborhood south of Howard.

We also thought about including James.

But it must begin with lamentation. Lamenting our own part in the system. That feels like a good place to start.

Lamentation. Lord, forgive us. We do not know what we do.
B

Manipulation and paternalism

This is a break because I need to write about what has been happening with my church and with me. We are reorganizing because we have no money to pay any staff. It will be run on an all-volunteer basis. This is a great idea.

My pain comes from the paternalistic and manipulative way that Eric is leading this change. From the heavy-handed repetition of "full participation" to the assigning of teams. It doesn't help that his preaching is a lecture that is yelled at us. I see no joy or resurrection in all of this. I see Eric's agenda and his single-mindedness is carrying it out.

I spoke up. I wrote a letter replying to their letter. So far, I have had no response. I'm not sure they received it and I do not feel like I need to do their work for them of making sure they got it. Yet, until I get a response, I cannot in good conscience or good mental/spiritual health continue to attend. So I am churchless and a little forlorn. Peter doesn't like it either. He is more patient that I am. Or maybe I have just had enough of people manipulating me. I don't need that. It feels ugly and wrong.

I would like to go to Edgewater. Yet I am anxious about the questions: where's Peter? I do not belong at RPPC and am not sure where else to go. Thank God, for now, I am okay. I will continue to give myself space to heal and feel less bruised before I try to go again.

In the meantime, I have been thinking about lamentation. So much has happened in the last two weeks. Shooting at Mother Emanuel church, a reverend setting himself on fire to highlight the pervasiveness of racism, Obamacare stays the law, LGBT people have the right to marry everywhere. Of course, those last two do not require lamentation! I have been thinking about public prayer. How can Peter and I respond - or even just I - to these shootings and other abuses? How can I - beyond sharing on FB - act on Reverend Moore's sacrifice? And I have been thinking about the possibility of prayer in Rogers Park - the north of Howard section. Possibly in front of the Jonquil. Just go there once a week and pray, lament, confess, and worship. Quietly. I suspect people will join us.

In the meantime, I need to ensure that I am healthy and not avoiding this feeling of loss and hurt. I need to acknowledge it and feel it. Then I can begin to let it go. I can begin to make it better.
B

Gifts

Matthew 7:9-11 - Or which man among you if your child asked for bread, give him a stone? Or if he asked for a fish, would give him a snake? And if you, who are evil, know to give good gifts to your children, how much more does your father, the one who is in heaven, know to give good things to you?

Two things pop out: trust and gifts.

Trust that God knows what we need and gives them. Trust that God can lead us. God will sustain our physical body but also our spirit, if we let her. This kind of radical trust is hard. But the serenity that comes from focusing on what we can do - instead of what we lack - is worth the effort to continually give our worries to God. Answers come if we listen for them.

The piece that intrigues me this morning - especially in light of events at RPPC - is gifts, good things. Not just food or water or shelter. But all gifts. What are my gifts? How am I willing to use them? In seminary and CPE I became much more willing to look at my gifts and see where God may be leading. Today, I need to continue that process. Everyday actually!

So, today, I have the gifts of compassion, administration, organization, writing, joy, love, self-care, empathy, being present with others, knowing, preaching, liturgy, prophecy - in the sense of speaking for God, curiosity, intuition. I also have the "gift" of procrastination and lack of self-esteem. These make it more difficult for me to exercise my gifts. Of course, so does having lupus. In fact, that is a much bigger obstacle than I had thought it would be. Yet, each day I am working to see where I need to be today. What I need to do today - not just for me but for my marriage and my husband.

My prayer is: God, help me to trust that you will lead me to use my gifts for your glory and to increase the love, joy, peace, understanding and empathy in the world.
Amen

Ask, Seek, Knock

Matthew 7:7-8 - Ask and you will be answered, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks will be answered, and everyone who seeks finds, and for everyone who knocks, it will be opened.

I only have questions. What are we asking for? What are we seeking/striving after? Where are we knocking? I suspect there is a specific thing. First thought is looking back to where our treasure is, perhaps we are knocking on heaven's door? Seeking God? Asking for what?

Things to think about today.
B

Holy things

Matthew 7:6 - Do not give holy things to dogs nor throw your pearls in front of pigs lest they trample them under their feet (treat them with disdain) and turn and attack you.

So, questions. What are the holy things, the pearls? And what do the dogs and swine represent here?

I think when I was growing up I knew instinctively not to share myself too much with my family. They would only have ammunition if I did. The things I cherished and cared about. Even now, I know that my family and I do not always see eye to eye. Sometimes they react badly; sometimes I react badly. Even with Peter. I forget how much he values helping others in necessary ways. I shared with him last night about the monks using the proceeds of their begging to buy neighborhood kids ice cream. Which I thought was sweet and Peter immediately criticized for not using the money for necessities. I think Peter sometimes doesn't realize how others like having fun, because he is very serious.

Of course, that is a minor example. But it illustrates how much we can all be swine and dogs to each other when we are not careful. Or even on purpose.

I was thinking during mediation this morning about the song La Bamba. In particular, the line - to dance the La Bamba one needs a little grace. A little grace for you; a little grace for me. We all need grace. Because we can all act like dogs and swine about some things. Not truly understanding the value of some things. Even if the value is subjective. So I can give Peter grace because he gives me grace.

The much bigger lesson here is the idea that we need to be aware of others. We need to have good judgment regarding them. We need to pay attention so that we do not set ourselves up to be hurt unintentionally. We need to recognize who is safe for us, what they are safe for and who is not. Wise as serpents, gentle as doves. Wisdom consists in seeing others as they are and acting accordingly. Therefore, one does not tell their most intimate stories to someone who is likely to tear it down.

This also means we can learn how to communicate with others. We can take the measure of others and know what is likely to set them off and what is safe to say. There is no reason to tell all our secrets to everyone we meet. I think this does not just protect us but it also protects others. We do not talk about holy things with atheists - not because they are dogs or swine - but because they may be annoyed and/or treat them with disdain.

We need to be cognizant of who we are talking with and take their feelings into account in our conversations.

Wise as serpents, gentle as doves.
B

Logs and specks

Matthew 7:3-5 - Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye and not notice/contemplate the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me remove the speck from your eye", and indeed the log is in your own eye? Hypocrite, first remove the log from your own eye and then you will be able to see clearly the speck in your brother's eye.

Continuing on from judging - look at your own faults first. Seek to remove them. Not just look but contemplate, intensely scrutinize your faults, your logs. Those things that block our vision, that keep us from seeing how our actions affect others. Or those justifications that keep us comfortable. The fears that keep us separated from those we love or those we could help. That keep us from seeing others as human beings, that tell us that the Other is evil, bad, wicked, a terrorist.

What is your log? What are my favorite logs? How do I justify not continually working for others? How do I justify the time spent relaxing? How do I justify looking away when others are hurting? How can I keep myself open and loving? What do I get out of not looking at my junk?

And having found the answers the question becomes - how can i clear these things out so that my vision might be clear. That I might notice those hurting around me and be willing to help. That I might understand that everyone is hurting in some way. Everyone is doing the best they (we) can. Even my own mistakes were the result of doing the best I could at the time. Now my vision is clearer and I can see other choices I had that I could not see then.

First, I ask God's help not only to see where I have gone astray but also how can I do better today. Without God, I am liable to justify and excuse the hurtful things I have done. Understanding that God loves me helps me to really look, to scrutinize and contemplate. And begin to love myself even though I am not perfect.

This will take a lifetime! So, there will rarely be a time when we can see our own faults well enough to help others with theirs. Unless we are asked and we are merciful and understanding. Without love, none of this is possible. Recognizing God's love for us, loving ourselves and loving others in return.

Somehow, it always comes down to love.
B

Measure

Matthew 7:2 - For the judgment by which you judge, you will be judged; and the measure by which you measure it will be measured to you.

I really like this not for the tit for tat idea but it explains  so much. When we are merciful, we add mercy to the world. When we are peaceful toward others, we add peace to the world. When we are joyful, we add joy to the world. When we are grateful, we add gratitude to the world. When we give and receive grace, we add grace to the world. When we are trustworthy, we make the world a more trustworthy place. When we are loving, we add love to the world.

The converse is also true. When we are judgmental, we add negativity to the world. When we are harsh, we add harshness to the world. When we are grouchy or, we add anger to the world. When we lash out in anger to the world. When we take our blessings for granted, we add to the entitlement in the world. When we lie and deceive, we add make the world a little more untrustworthy. When we are hateful, we add to the hate in the world.

The prayer of St. Francis addresses this beautifully. Let me be a channel of your peace, love, forgiveness, faith, hope, light and joy. It's a good place to start working for peace; in our own hearts.
B

Stop judging

Matthew 7:1 - Stop judging, so that you may/will not be judged.

This is judgment in a negative sense of course. Yet it is not merely finding fault with others! It is more along the lines of bringing someone into court, accusing them of something, judging them harshly and possibly unfairly.

The second part is more taken to court. Stop judging others or they might just find enough fault with you to take you before a judge.

This could be spoken to Americans today. Especially those in the news media and the talking heads. They make their living judging others harshly in public, pretending that their own lives are pure and without fault. Yet we all know that is not the case and they inevitably are caught - and then caught in the publicity web of their own making.

For me personally, this tells me that while my judgment may be correct, I would do better to focus on my own faults. The following verses bear this out. However, there are times when I need to judge negatively for my own or someone else's protection. For example, someone who is cruel to me will not continue to enjoy the pleasure of my company. Someone who is cruel to others will hear about it. This requires not just judgment but action. Avoiding or confronting.

And this brings me to Eric and Debbie and RPPC. Ugh. We received an email yesterday about the upcoming weeks. It all feels very controlled and stifling. The session will be assigning people to committees rather than letting people choose. That seems very wrong. Along with Eric's tone while preaching, it is starting to rub me even more the wrong way than it had before. Of course they are afraid that no one will step up and the church will close. Which is a valid fear. Yet, I do not see trust in God in any of this. Not in Eric's preaching (which is mostly lecturing and yelling) and not in the plan for getting people to volunteer.

It feels very much as though it is being forced down my throat. And that feels icky and abusive. I am not sure exactly what my response to it will be. I suggested to Peter that I may speak up. I still might. But I will talk it over with Joellen and Maria first. They are full of wisdom. I do not wish to just disappear. Yet I want to respond lovingly and with dignity and grace for all. So how to do this without judging negatively? Share my experience. How am I experiencing this process? Let them respond how they will.
B