Compassion

Matthew 9:35-36 - And Jesus went to all the towns and villages teaching in their synagogues, and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every sickness and infirmity. Seeing the crowds, he felt compassion for them because they were harassed and troubled, like sheep without a shepherd.

Compassion. I could spend the rest of my life writing about compassion and how much I need to acquire it for others and I still wouldn't cover the topic. Having compassion is almost better than healing. Healing is great but not at the expense of the relationship. The relationship is important too! I need to like my doctors and those who help.

In particular, I am having trouble being compassionate toward Eric. He just failed so abominably that trying to explain the many ways he failed seems like a Herculean task. However, I am coming to terms with holding his hand. Well, for two hours. We'll see after that. Anyway, he has been homeless, I can try that example or the fact that he was so overwhelmed by the time Debbie got back. Hopefully, one of those situations will put him in a powerless mindset. Then perhaps I can ask how it felt if/when people ignored him while he was homeless. Or what if Debbie had just told him to suck it up and moved on to another topic of conversation? If those don't do it I have nothing... It's not possible to teach compassion. One only gets it by practicing it and Eric seems to be lacking it. At least, he doesn't see himself as one of us. He gives lectures rather than sermons. Preaching is teaching yet it differs from a lecture because it takes into account the lives of its recipients. Eric is stuck in his head. I've been thinking about requesting that he get a spiritual director - someone not involved in the church or his regular life to talk things over with. He would have benefited from doing so this time around.

I'm struggling to have compassion on my primary care doctor a well as my rheumatologist. Well, my primary care person can't help where she works. But Duby can be less judgmental! I just received registered letters checking up on my progress to get a colonoscopy and a mammogram. It's my life - leave me alone. Ugh. Fuck doctors and men.
B