Anger (again)

Matthew 5:38-42 - Do not resist the evil one. When someone slaps your left cheek, turn your right. When someone sues you for your cloak, give them your tunic also. When someone presses you into service for one mile, go with them two. When someone asks for a loan, do not refuse them. Give to all who ask.

I have lots of thoughts here! First, there is an implied power imbalance. Someone is stronger than you. Do not resist - for yourself. Jesus himself resisted on behalf of others.

Second, we are to accept the reality of evil. The examples given are personal, yet they do not exclude the possibility of systemic evil. Especially the one about being pressed into service. We cannot escape evil - it is in the very air humans breathe. Therefore, we need to accept its reality in our lives and the lives of others. White police and black people come to mind.

Third, while I was pondering this this morning, I realized that anger can lead to doing evil things. I thought about how I write people off rather than work things out with them. This will come up during my CPE interview. I also realized that the things that make me angry are people not following the "rules." I'm not usually one to try to make others follow the rules - except Peter. I am one to complain at length about it. This is a sign of resentment, which in turn is a sign of anger not resolved.

I get angry when people try to speed past me. I get angry when people cut me off. I get angry when Mike turns off the water willy-nilly. I get angry when I think about how much he owes the condo association and his attitude about that debt. I get angry when the dog barks. I get angry when Peter tries to renegotiate a decision we have made. I get angry when things change at church. When I have no voice. I get angry when Republicans cut help for those who need it most: kids, the mentally ill, minorities, poor people. I get angry when people take more than their fair share of time, food, services, etc. I get angry when people's voices are unheard. I get angry when others write black people off as thugs without hearing what they are trying to say. In fact, my biggest complaint about Peter is that his actions sometimes make me feel like my concern or feelings have not been heard.

Voiceless. I feel voiceless. I feel insignificant. When have I not had a voice? Growing up. Junior. Dave. That one TA in Art History. With my mom. In church (partially my fault). Federated. Peter's work. I'm sure there are others that I am missing.

Without working through this anger, I will have a hard time detaching and being a good chaplain. I have written numerous times that I want to give voice to the voiceless. Who are the voiceless? Homeless people, poor people, black people, women, non-Republicans in many ways, abused women, prisoners - whether they've committed a crime or not, sick people, old people, uninsured people, the outcast.

I am surprised this went there. I had no idea. Good work.
B