Fruit

Matthew 12:33 - Either make the tree good and its fruit will be good or make the tree bad and its fruit will be bad; for the tree is known by its fruit.

This is such a great metaphor for not only individuals but systems! I go right to thinking about the racism so prevalent in our society - and I realize that it is the fruit of the centuries of making the tree bad. Racism, oppression, violence, betrayal. All these things are present and they are at the root of our problems today: gangs, gun violence, muslim bashing, continued killing of young black men and women by police with no repercussions, women as second-class citizens, rape being so prevalent and so underreported because women are put through a second hell when they do, terrible insurance and health care system, prisons that only punish and do not rehabilitate, ugh.

What is at my root? For a long time it was wallowing in the effects of my childhood - in an alcoholic home. Yet, that can be changed and I did. I continue to see where my fruit has been bad and can be made good. This week it was in interpersonal relationships. I pretty much suck at them. I have a profound sense of not belonging even though I want to belong. This is true on the internet - where I rarely comment, Al-Anon, seminary, and even at church. It is what is holding me back from pursuing a PhD. It is not just the language factor; it is also the not feeling like I belong factor.

Fortunately, I was also given a remedy! Visualization. It seems corny, yet I really think that is what is called for next, both in my private life and my CPE/pastoral life. I think visualization might show me what it is I most fear. Especially if I pair it with focusing - the technique we learned early on in CPE. So, onward.
B