Barriers

Matthew 22:12 - "And the king said to him, 'Friend, how did you get in here without wearing a wedding robe?' And the man was speechless."

Since I already briefly addressed the fraughtness of clothing and hairstyles, let's look at barriers. For many of us there are barriers to getting in, barriers to staying in, and barriers to success, to moving forward. These barriers can be physical, such as a building not having wheelchair access, or whose wheelchair access is poorly done; or financial, such as going to college or joining country clubs; or classist, such as getting in to ivy league schools; or cultural, such as assuming everyone will assimilate to "American culture."

The barriers in this parable are cultural, classist, and financial. The king unrealistically expects the man he invited on the spur of the moment to have access to a robe suitable for a royal wedding. If you have ever wondered why the rules of formal dining seem so detailed, I'll tell you. It's so that those who know the rules can look down on those who don't. The man doesn't answer possibly because he doesn't even know what he did wrong? He was invited to a wedding, prodded even. And now the king is questioning his attire? He must have been very confused. The word translated as "was speechless" actually means was muzzled or was silenced. The king was humiliating him; perhaps he was silenced by shame.

In America, we pride ourselves on being exceptional (not true) and self-made individualists (also not true). There is a segment of our society that would love to blame all sick people for their illness, which would 'coincidentally' let them off the hook for helping. These same people blame Black people when white police officers shoot them, usually for some made up offense. It is the same with poverty, homelessness, LGBTQ people, and disabled people. The same group of people loves to blame those who are not straight, white, heterosexual, and/or able-bodied for their own situation. I have been reading enough disability twitter to know that I was very lucky in seminary. When I called McCormick with my issue, I was told unequivocally that of course they would help. Nor did they disbelieve me. I didn't need a doctor's note either. They simply took care of it. I understand now that that is rare in the academic world. Even with the Americans with Disabilities Act.

There seems to be an distinct lack of empathy among us. I'm not sure when it began, but it's been there a while. I stopped watching sit-coms when it became obvious to me that they were mostly about people snarking at other people for laughs. Society seems to have followed suit with snarkiness. Of course, the sit-coms are only a symptom, not the disease. I mean, almost half of the people who voted in 2016, voted for 45, who admitted he was racist, homophobic, anti-immigration, misogynistic, stupid, and ableist. How did it happen that we have so many Americans who do not care about others as long as they think they themselves will be fine? Has it always been that way and I never noticed? 

A better question, though, is how to address it. It always starts with us and our own attitudes. Am I empathetic to everyone? or are there some people I have deemed unworthy? Am I able to see the hurt I have caused? Can I have empathy for those I have hurt? for those who have hurt me? for those people who seem to lack empathy for anyone? Am I able to have empathy and still speak up with those who have been marginalized? These are hard questions to answer. They ask a lot of us. They ask us to look closely at how we think about people and what we expect from others.

Jesus offers us this challenge when he says we have already committed adultery by looking at another with lust. This is because our thoughts and words come from our hearts. If our hearts are full of jealousy and blame, our thoughts will work to justify those feelings; sometimes by blaming others. Jesus' challenge to us is to continually work on empathizing with others, even as we push back against their harmful actions and words. If Jesus loves us no matter what, and we want to follow Jesus, then we must work toward loving others no matter what. Since we are still in Lent, I admit, I have work to do in this area. Even if we never speak our poisonous thoughts aloud, they come out in our actions and our attitudes.

If left unexamined, our thoughts can become barriers to loving others as ourselves - the definition of empathy. These thoughts then become words and deeds that harm or even kill. Let's work instead on understanding others as best we can, knowing Jesus will help us if we ask.

Come to the table. All is ready.