Ephesians 4:11-12 - And [Christ] gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry and the building up of the body of Christ.
Gifts. We all have different gifts, many more than are listed above. In seminary, there tends to be a lot of focus on our gifts for ministry and self-reflection regarding those gifts. I found it much easier to see the gifts of others than to see my own. Several things happened in seminary (and university) that made me reflect on gifts I had denied and am now able to (sort of) embrace.
1> I've been told all my life that I'm smart by lots of different people in different contexts. Yet, because I've made some atrocious decisions, it was easy for me to minimize this gift. I wasn't willing to take responsibility for it. One day, while I was sitting in class but before class started, I happened to joke to the prof that, "I wouldn't be as brilliant as I am without Google." (Right? Search engines make research so much easier!) The prof wasn't having any of that. They tapped the desk, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I think you would," and walked away. Oof ...
Why did I deny it all those years? (I was 46 at the time.) Because I thought that admitting it would be bragging. Indeed, I had to do a psychological evaluation as part of the ordination process. I took a test of 150 T/F questions, many of which were along the lines of, "I was on the cover of 30 magazines this year." Easy and quick. I pinged on 6 questions, one of which was, "I am proud of my accomplishments." When he asked me about it I told him I had just graduated from NAU and was voted Outstanding Senior (professors vote). I worked hard, why shouldn't I be proud? That is why I denied it so long - who needs the grief?
2a> Same professor told me a paper I'd written needed to be turned into a book. b> As a senior, a colleague wrote me a note after a presentation I'd given that I still have saying, "I like your writing. Again, I'd always minimized this gift. Even after I won 2nd place (and $1,000) in a writing contest at NAU. Even after one of the judges in that contest sent me a card saying how much she'd enjoyed my essay and encouraging me to keep writing. It's a huge upheaval when we see ourselves one way and the world suddenly begins to tell us all the ways we're wrong. So, yes, I have a gift for writing. (And let me tell you it makes listening to poorly written sermons hard. Yes, I'm a little arrogant, too.)
The point of all this is to say that when I minimized my gifts, it did nothing but distort and diminish my own view of myself. Everyone else could see these things. Women especially are encouraged not to talk about our good qualities, lest we come across as bragging or arrogant. Look at all the grief Hillary Clinton got just for raising her voice; she was called strident and screechy. Of course, men can raise their voices; that's powerful. Men can be proud of their accomplishments; that's just healthy self-esteem. That is a ridiculous double standard that needs to die a quick death. Because it keeps too many women trapped in lives they'd rather not be living or lives that are dangerous to them. We need to begin to listen to women and encourage their healthy self-esteem the way we do men.
What gifts are you minimizing in your life. How can you begin to admit those gifts into your life and the lives of those around you? What can we all do to push back against and break down the double standards for women and men?
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