One on the Right, One on the Left

Matthew 20:21 - And he said to her, "What is it you want?" She replied, "Command that my sons will sit one on your right and one on your left in your kingdom."

As I wrote yesterday, she is using what power she has, what influence she has over Jesus to help her sons. Are her sons on board with this request? (spoiler alert: they are) Did she hear Jesus' parable about the last being first? Perhaps she feels like one of the last. It's easy to condemn her, but her actions here are typical of a mother in this situation.

I think, however, that her question reveals her humanity as well. We as human beings have a very difficult time accepting new ideas unless we can be assured we will be better off. It is a lot of hard work and is painful to work through changing our worldview, our way of being in the world, so completely as Jesus is asking his followers to do. A lot of soul-searching is required. In the 60s and 70s this was known as "finding ourselves." It's no less important today despite all the jokes made about navel gazing.

It seems James and John wanted a guarantee before they did any more of this work. I don't blame them - it's hard and painful. No one really wants to face the lies they were told. No one wants to go back and search through their life to see what they still believe and what makes no sense anymore. It's hard to realize your parents weren't perfect and didn't know everything. Yet, it's a mark of adulthood to know oneself in this way. Shakespeare had Polonius say it ironically, but it is nonetheless true - we must know ourselves. Do as Polonius says not as he does because he does not know himself.

James Baldwin called this work, "doing the first things over." Look over the lessons you've learned in your life. Which lessons are worth keeping? Which need discarding? Which need adjusting? Which need support? He was referring to white people and white supremacy, yet it is the same in following Christ. We must unlearn the things we believe that don't serve us well anymore. We must unlearn the things that don't serve others well. We must be in the world, but not of the world is a fancy way of saying be yourself. And to do that, we need to do our first things over.

We do great harm when we do not do this work. The harm is not just to ourselves but to others. James and John damaged their relationship to all the other followers of Christ because of their actions. In thinking they deserved to be at Jesus' right and his left, told all the other followers that James and John thought they were more special. They made fools of themselves, as do we, by thinking they deserved this. In the same way, we do harm to our own relationships and others as well. This is an illustration of the attitude that Jesus was preaching against. That preaching still holds today.
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