Anger

Well, this is appropriate!
Matthew 5:23-24 - When you are on your way to the altar to offer your gift and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift, go to your brother and be reconciled, then come and offer your gift.

Reconciliation is more important than offering money. Reconciliation - opening ourselves to love is more important than supporting the "church." Reconciliation is where it is at.

So where am I in this process of reconciliation? Peter and I Tuesday had a disagreement about how to proceed to get on our way to Cleveland, which is frustrating because I had thought we had a plan. I woke up angry and upset. I did not let it carry over, which is good - partially because I went out with the bus. That is like an offering to God. I need to not be angry at others. I am able to both hear God's call and to follow when I am not focused on my anger. Reconciliation clears out the heart's channels of that anger - however justified - and makes room for God's voice to be heard. It makes room for love to act and flow through our actions.

Next week, I want to think about trusting God. I did trust her these past days. Yet, I am going to have to keep coming back to trust that I am not in control and I can only do what I need to for me. In this situation, that means I will take pictures, I will respond to Peter's actions rather than his words. He says he wants to go, yet he does not seem ready. Therefore, I will continue to make plans here. There is no rush. This may not look like reconciliation, yet it is. I am giving him the time he needs rather than trying to get him to move. It is not my call to go to Cleveland, it is his. It is up to him to decide once and for all how to follow it.

I believe, Help my unbelief!
B

More Righteous than the Pharisees

Matthew 5:20-22 - For I say to you that unless your righteousness exceeds that of the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven. You have heard it said of old that you shall not murder. But I say that whoever becomes angry with his brother is liable to judgment, and if you insult your brother you will be liable to the Sanhedrin, and if you say, "you fool," you will be liable to the gehenna of fire.

So, the law will not pass away, but rather the requirements of the law are extended. We must go beyond the minimum wording of the law and look at its spirit. The spirit that enlivens these laws is the image of God in all people. When we become angry, insult our neighbors, and dismiss others as stupid (something I do a lot of!) we are acting against the law and its spirit. We are harming ourselves, our relationships and ultimately, our community by acting in these ways.

I have heard that anger is a sign of fear or sadness. In thinking about my own pervasive anger lately, I am uncertain whether it is fear or sadness. Maybe both. Right now we are in a money crunch because of the kitchen renovations and our renters pulling out. I am doing what I can and so is Peter. I am fearful of being in this position.





We are wanting to move to Cleveland and are colliding over how to accomplish that. We agreed at the beginning of the year to sell the condo and Peter keeps wanting to change the plan. He does not want to make Mike accountable for the money he owes the condo association. He does not want to sell the condo - wants to have Mike rent it out for us. He does not want to use a realtor to sell the condo, yet he has no set plan for selling it ourselves. It appears he is not ready to move to Cleveland. I have explained all this to him but he cannot see it. So I am fearful that he will sabotage his desire to move and I am fearful we will lose even more money in the process. I am saddened that he seems sad. He has not been seeing anyone since Greg retired and I am fearful he is sliding back into old, bad patterns.

So, although I am angry and disappointed (he seems to forget that the third floor is bad for my health), I am going to do what I need for me. I told him that we will talk on Thursday. If he has no plan or is still in the same spot, I am going to start moving downstairs on Friday. I am not his hostage. I have agency and I am going to use it.

The money situation is a little more difficult to get past. I was looking for jobs and realize I will need two more CPE units to qualify for Chaplain positions. So, I talked with Peter and signed up for another round. One way or another we will make this work.

So, this particular passage helps remind me that Peter is struggling too. He has a few more emotional hurdles than I do and in moving downstairs, I am giving him time and space (emotional space) to figure it out. I mean I will not be continually in his face about this issue. He really does not want to even talk about our next step. He would rather try to think through every single scenario first. So, let him. I'm going to do what works for me. In the meantime, I am taking care of my own needs. I am choosing to not be angry with him.

Does that make me more righteous than the Pharisees?
B

Fulfillment

Matthew 5:17-19 (paraphrase): I have not come to do away with the Law and the Prophets but to fulfill - like a prophecy. The Law is still valid as long as the earth is here. If one follows the law and teaches others to follow the law, that person will be great in heaven.

Lots of stuff here to think about. What does it mean to fulfill the law? Does it mean to perform it perfectly? Does it mean to embody the law? If the law is thus fulfilled is it still on us to keep it? Jesus says, yes! Not one iota or stroke will pass away until heaven and earth pass away.

Elsewhere Jesus sums up the law by saying: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, body and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself. So the basic premise of the Law is to remember that other people are people. (Which is difficult for some of us.) We all deserve the be treated with decency and respect. And love

So, how does this follow from the passages on salt and light? It seems as though it should come before the passages on salt and light. But, if we go around loving others as we love ourselves - recognizing that most of us do love ourselves - we will be salt and light. We will make the world around us tastier and easier to navigate.

Hmm - I like the easier to navigate. Right now there are many whose paths in life are unnecessarily difficult to navigate because the inherent racism in our justice system and in our social narrative. Fulfilling the law means being light. It means striving to conform to the beatitudes. It means making others' paths easier and more enjoyable.

Saturday, Peter and I went to our State Representatives' town hall meeting. We talked about the bills she is sponsoring and the budget fights that are happening as well as the conditions in which those fights are happening. It can be so disheartening. At the same time, there will be opportunities to protest this week and in the coming weeks. It may do no good. Yet, I think I can do my best to put some of my energy where my mind is and show up. I know I will feel less helpless. I may even make some new connections and friends.

I think a good lesson to take here is that we need to do more than just be good people. In some concrete way we are asked to also strive to make the world a better place for all people. Love our neighbor, fulfill the law.

But it has a personal component as well. I made an experiment yesterday, watching to see where I became angry and what brought anger on. Peter's thoughts, screens at church, those are the biggies. In both instances I felt left out of something important. For example, I have a hard time looking at screens. They wanted to use them so Eric could save time and not have to write up a bulletin. Yet, there was no warning. In Peter's case, he is thinking about making decisions and doing things without getting my input. Again, I feel left out of our community.

I want to trust that God can handle these things. Peter usually comes around to my point of view - or we come together. Yet, I continue to react with anger rather than understanding. I have a lot of resentment against Mike, too. He did not figure very big yesterday. But the Condo Association has allowed his actions to make the sale of our condo more difficult. I was not a part of that. I am hoping to be part of the solution.

I know that the anger is deeper than that. And I will take time this week to trust that God can handle this. That I can handle this and that God is here with me. Loving myself enough to believe God loves me.
B

Light

Matthew 5:14, 16: You are the light of the world/universe ... Let your light shine before others that your good deeds might be known and glorify your father, who is in heaven.

Light and salt - good things! Especially in the first century BCE. We do not know dark like they knew dark. Nor do we have an appreciation for how much better salt made their lives. Mostly.

So, again we ask, "What does it mean to be salt and light of the world?" This passage comes just after the Beatitudes. It makes sense then that the good deeds of salt and light are humility (poor in spirit), connection to others (mourn with those who mourn), patience/ compassion, hunger and thirst for justice, merciful, pure in heart (moral, probably not sexual morality), peaceful, and integrity. Integrity - being willing to stand for what you believe, even to the point of death.

Yesterday I talked about salt and how it makes everything better. As well as how we (I) get in my own way by hanging on to the small inconveniences of life. I think I am afraid to look at this anger just yet. I am certain it comes from something that happened - or maybe I'm just whining. ... At any rate, this unit of CPE will really help if I am open to hearing others on the subject.

I did start thinking in first step terms of powerlessness and unmanagability. It keeps me cooped up in my own self, my own thoughts, my own small world. It is me against the world and that is a sad way to live. It is like keeping my light under a bushel basket. Today, I choose to really look at how this affects me. I will try not to judge my reactions, merely note them and move on. This will be interesting as I am headed to church and that is one thing that is getting my goat. I should say I am letting it get my goat when there is no need to do so. God is with me in my anger. She understands.

Today I choose to be the lamp stand that allows others to see the light of God.
B

Salt

Matthew 5:12 - You are the salt of the earth/world; but if the salt becomes tasteless, with what will it be salted? It will still be good for nothing except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet.

So, I'm thinking about saltiness - how are people "salty." We make things better? Hardly! Maybe we have the capacity to make things better for others. Right? The salt is combined - one could even say 'consumed' - into the food. The food then tastes better and the salt loses itself in the process. Losing ourselves in order to make the world tastier - easier to deal with.

But only in the correct amount and when combined with certain foods. Some foods taste better with salt and others taste better without. A little sugar, a little salt, and a little fat (butter!) makes the world better. But too much salt ruins the taste. Chocolate tastes good with salt, but not too much.

Okay. So, I'm thinking this could be a metaphor for finding our 'sweet spot', so to speak. When we are using the talents we've been given in conjunction with our passions, our 'work' becomes salt for the world. Indeed, it is not like work. When we lose ourselves in the bigger cause of our passion, that passion becomes sweeter to us and to others around us. It becomes inspiring. Like a great teacher: Gandhi, MLK, Max, Ken, Greg Brewer! Our passions used correctly are the salt of the earth.

So, how do humans become tasteless? The obvious answer is that we deny our passions, our interests and our talents. Casting them out and trampling on them? Use it or lose it as the saying goes.

Is there another way for humans to become tasteless? Here's a thought; right now I'm very susceptible to others being selfish and obnoxious for no real reason. It gets in the way of my sleep and diverts my energy to a useless cause. An example is Mike downstairs. When he plays drums in the daytime, I have no problem. When he plays loud music, I immediately get angry and anxious. It's more than not being able to control it; it's the judgment piece. I lose myself, to be sure, but not in a constructive way. I become good for nothing else when I focus on my anger. Could this be one way I become tasteless?

Luckily, there is a way to get our salt back - even as salt itself does not lose its saltiness, neither do we! I can do a fourth step around why this is such a problem in my life. Who am I really angry with? What am I reacting to? How can I move past it? I really do not want to be beholden to this anger any longer.

I want to become salty! To make my life and the lives of those around me less tasteless, less oppressive and less unjust. Salt improves the taste of food - I can improve my corner of the world.

Show me the way, Lord.
B

Matthew

In reading the Beatitudes in Matthew I have realized some things I never recognized. In verse 5, there are two words that grabbed my attention; "meek" and "earth."

Meek is not the best translation for this verb! Better translations are gentle, compassionate, and patient. To me, the word meek implies an inability to speak up for oneself that the other words do not have. In fact, they are more focus verbs rather than action verbs. As in I am patient with someone or a situation. Same with compassion. It needs an object.

However, the word earth is more interesting. It does not necessarily mean the entire earth. Another translation for the word is "land." And to the Hebrews, 'land' symbolized the promise to Abraham. Land does not just signify power or domination. It signifies peace, security, autonomy, God as king, home and descendents. Jesus' speakers would have instantly understood this without the need for explanation. He was speaking to Jewish people.

So, the gentle shall inherit the land, God's promise of peace, security, abundance, autonomy, home and descendants. It includes God being in the midst of the city. We can think of it as peace, as the promise of the New Jerusalem. God's eternal, abiding presence.
B