DENIAL

Matthew 26:22 – And they became greatly distressed and began to say to him one after another, “Surely not I, Lord?”

In his excellent Atlantic article, “Denial is the Heartbeat of America,” Dr. Ibram Kendi refutes the idea that so many put forward after the attempted insurrection last Wednesday; This is not who we are. He writes, “In the aftermath of catastrophes, when have Americans commonly admitted who we are? The heartbeat of America is denial.” Beginning with three generals who in 1783 wanted to revolt against the Continental Congress, through the Civil War, through the Tulsa Massacre, Kendi lays out the numerous times white people have striven to ensure that Black Americans could not vote. Kendi writes, “White terror is as American as the Stars and Stripes. But when this is denied, it is no wonder that the events at the Capitol are read as shocking and un-American.”

Sadly, the insurrection is part of who we are as America.

I know, or at least suspect, that some people say this isn’t who we are as a way of describing an ideal. But it does no good to deny that America is not ideal. In his article, Kendi lists all the ways that Americans think they’re the best in the world while reality is otherwise. (Seriously, go read this article.) Denial of our history, our heritage, is who we are.

And we’re in good company here, because denial is not just an American trait, it is a human trait. Jesus has just told the disciples that one of them will betray him, and their first reaction is, “Surely, not I?” This includes Judas, who handed him over to the Jewish authorities, and the rest of the men who deserted him at the cross. Not to mention Peter, who denied him three times that very night. Their haste to distance themselves from such an accusation reminds me of the Family Circus comic and its ghost characters, Not Me and Wasn’t Me. In the comic, when any of the kids break something or go against the rules of the house, their response to being questioned is “Not me,” or “It Wasn’t Me.” The ghost characters of course are seen running away from the scene of the crime. This desire to be seen as perfect and good at all times begins in childhood

It is the first step on the road to hell.

I believe Donald is in the hell of such denial. He may be so deep he can no longer tell truth from fiction. His denial of and two-month long effort to overturn the results of the election led directly to the insurrection at the Capitol and invited us all into that hell. His supporters in this denial are in Donald’s hell with him. In fact, we are all in one way or another (or maybe even multiple ways) victims of Donald’s denial and delusions.

That’s one problem with denial; it doesn’t just harm us or those we want it to harm. Denial harms everyone in its orbit – everyone. Denial and the inability or unwillingness to look at ourselves individually, and as a nation, harms everyone around us. America(ns) will go on harming ourselves economically, politically, and psychologically until we listen to the Black prophets yelling from the rooftops that racism needs to be erased.

But how? What do we do? How do we go about changing this? What is our role? My role?

I saw a video by Dr. David Campt talking about how to have difficult conversations. Bear with me, it is relevant! Using race as an example, he described three different responses to racist remarks: stay silent and speak to others later, speak out boldly, or take time and try to find common ground. He labels these: Cavalry, soldier, and spy. We want to be a spy.

Why?

A spy has to have compassion. A spy needs to fit in; they need to stay undercover and the best way to stay undercover is to have compassion for those around them. This is important, because if we want to have difficult conversations, we need to listen to the other side with compassion.

Dr. Campt’s metonym for the times when we want to respond to racism (be a spy) is RACE – Relax (get calm, take a breath), Ask a question, Confess – meaning confess how we may be similar or had a similar experience, and finally Engage more deeply on the common ground we (hopefully) have established.

It’s the confession that is at the heart of this scheme – confession, compassion, connection. That is how we find common ground with others. Finding common ground lowers people’s defenses, making it more likely they’ll be receptive to what we say. People really don’t like hearing how they’re wrong, even about little things. We don’t. The disciples didn’t.

Dr. Campt gives us a way to begin to fulfill Dr. Kendi’s call to action:

… what will make America true is the willingness of the American people to stare at their national face for the first time, to open the book of their history for the first time, and see themselves for themselves—all the political viciousness, all the political beauty—and finally right the wrongs, or spend the rest of the life of America trying.

This can be who we are.

Link to Dr. Kendi’s Article.

Link to David Campt’s video