IDENTITY

Matthew 26:35 - Peter said to him, “Even though I must die with you, I will not deny you.” And so said all the disciples.

I’m trying to decide whether it’s a good thing Jesus doesn’t comment again. On the one hand, saying nothing is a bold move. Peter will find out how wrong he is the hard way, and, in the meantime, there is work to do before Jesus is taken. Time is certainly running out and this argument has become fruitless due to Peter’s impulsive intractability.

The time for teaching must be over, because, in my opinion, Jesus missed a perfect opportunity to say something like, “Get you behind me, Satan” as he did before. I say this because, Peter at this moment, is a stumbling block for Jesus. He’s refusing to accept Jesus’s assessment of him and the other disciples. He’s not only denying Jesus’s words, he’s denying the reality of who he, Simon Peter, is.

Thomas Merton, in New Seeds of Contemplation, has something to say about this, although indirectly:

… we are even called to share with God the work of creating the truth of our identity. We can evade this responsibility by playing with masks, and this pleases us because it can appear at times to be a free and creative way of living. It is quite easy, it seems, to please everyone. But in the long run the cost and the sorrow come very high. To work out our own identity in God, which the Bible calls “working out our salvation,” is a labor that requires sacrifice and anguish, risk and many tears. It demands close attention to reality at every moment, and great fidelity to God as [they] reveal [themselves], obscurely in the mystery of each new situation.

Lying to ourselves and others about who we are is evading responsibility. We cannot sustain the masks, though; at least not without becoming that masked person and losing our own self. That is the cost and the sorrow; losing our sense of self. Because while we may become the mask, what we are deep down, is still there, crying out to be heard. We can never find happiness or joy in denying our own self.

Yet, Merton says the other alternative also requires risk, anguish, sacrifice, and tears. The difference, of course, is that this way, the way of working with God creating the truth of our identity, holds the possibility of happiness and joy. Serenity and peace come when we know who we are. Only then, can we see our faults and frailties as beautiful, as part of being human. It seems counterintuitive. But one only has to look at the previous president to see the end result of playing with masks and denying our identity.

If, Merton is right, and I think he is, then denying who we are is working against God, and Peter is actively working against Jesus. That’s what happens when we stay in denial, right? I’m expanding this to think about denial not just about who we are but also about other things as well. Again, all we need to do is look at those Republicans who support the previous president to see where the road ends. We end up working against not only our own interests but also against others’ interests.

Such denial comes from fear; of rejection, of acceptance, of pain, of punishment, of loss, of responsibility, of blame. That list goes on and on. We all know that fear. That is the fear that hides God’s love from us. It’s there, but we cannot see it. It’s there for us just as it was there for Peter. Jesus’s warning in these past few verses came from his deep love of them. He wanted them to be prepared for their future. Peter’s denial, his rejection of that preparation, was a denial of God’s love.

B