Off-screen. I want to continue to think of this idea both in Jesus’s life and our own. We live most of our lives “off-screen” as far as others are concerned. Especially during this pandemic. It’s a good thing, really. We don’t need to know the intimate details of others’ every moment, unless they’re our spouse or our kids. Even then, there are limits. It would be overwhelming, at least to me.
In the absence of that information, we make up a story. We do it subconsciously, automatically taking what we know about that person and forming a narrative of why they are acting a certain way. This can be a form of empathy, or it can be malicious. Either way, without corroboration, the story is just that; a story.
Not only that, we also tend to assume others are healthy, rational, people. We think of others as sharing our values and ideals, whatever they are. Again, this is dubious without corroboration. We don’t know what another is thinking, or what is happening in their life or with their friends or family. There is a push, especially in the media but also elsewhere, to hold celebrities and others in the public eye to some idealized level of perfection. The slightest deviation from this norm can be reason to abuse and hurt others. Social media can be a cesspool of toxic interactions if a person doesn’t live up to those ideals.
The thing is, that story and that ideal of perfection is almost always wrong. It’s easy to assume that others’ lives are easier or simpler than our own. But, everyone’s life has something tragic about it. This isn’t drama; it’s reality. We all have a battle we’re facing – even if no one else knows about it. If you haven’t had some sort of battle, struggle, or difficult time in your life, you’re lucky. Temporarily. If you live long enough, you will struggle with pain or illness, the loss of a job or having to retire, the illness or death of loved ones, financial woes. So many things we deal with. Some we cause ourselves through worry or resentment. Others we have no control over. But almost always happening off-screen for the majority of people we encounter.
I think it’s good to remember that fact when others act badly. It’s not an excuse by any means, and amends should always be made when harm is done, but understanding that there might be stresses we’re unaware of can help us to love others anyway. This includes the current president and the Republican congresspeople who support him. It most certainly includes people who continue to support him; they’ve bought the lie. We must fight their actions, but we can love them, remember that they’re still human beings, and keep our own humanity as we hold them all accountable, including prison if indicated.
Recognizing that others’ lives aren’t perfect, no matter what appearances imply, can help us forgive others. It can help us let go of big and small resentments. Resentments build up and, sometimes aided by others, can grow into an obsession. They don’t hurt the person we resent; they hurt us. They keep us stuck in a spiral of fear, anger, and unhappiness. They turn us into the kind of person who holds others to some idealized version of humanity. I’ve heard it said that resentments are poison we drink expecting another person to die.
Resentments are a sign that we’ve lost our way. They’re a sign from our body that there’s something we need to address, like anger, envy, or jealousy. It might be our own faulty thinking, or it might be a situation with another that needs mending. It’s so much easier to see what needs mending and avoid feeding our resentments with imaginary stories when we remember that we don’t have all the facts about another person. We may have inaccurate information, because we don’t always have access to what happens off-screen.
Because we don’t know what others might be struggling with off-screen, let’s give others, and ourselves, a break today. Let’s let go of the story we’re telling ourselves, and open our hearts to love.
B
