Matthew 6:5-6 - Do not be like the hypocrites who love to be seen praying in the synagogues and on the street corners. But when you pray, go into your inner room and closing the door pray to your father in secret. And your father, the one seeing in secret will pay you.
I love this. I have always felt awkward with public prayer. I feel so much more connected to God when I am with her in secret. By myself. To say whatever I want with no one around. Holy moments when I am thinking through my life, praising God, giving thanks and just listening. Just being.
And there is a lot to be prayed for today. Resentment, anger, losing my phone, paying for a new one, possible bed bug infestation and how are we going to pay for all this? But just for today, all is well. No one is dying. Well, at least not in the house. Amy has gone on to hospice and that is sad for all of us. But giving all that to God helps me to decide what I need to do. The next right thing.
Remembering that God is with me and all of us through these things - especially when I cannot feel her presence. So. Time to pray.
B
Monday, May 11, 2015
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Righteousness
Matthew 6:1-4 - Do not flaunt your righteousness. If you do, your reward will be the approval of men. But hide your righteousness even from yourself. Then your reward will be from your Father in heaven.
The approval of people here on earth is always nice. We all want approval; in fact, we need a certain amount in order to thrive. Love and friendship are not luxuries for human beings. It is only when this need becomes excessive that we have problems. When we feel as though everyone needs to approve of our actions. When we act so that we can receive the approval of others, our reward ends there.
Ultimately, though, this reward cannot satisfy. It is both fleeting and short-lived. One must constantly be acting and doing new things. One can never rest when one's life is about the approval of others. And, there will come a time when that approval is withdrawn. That person will be left alone, not even knowing who they are because they have never thought about it. Of course, in that case, there is nowhere to go but up!
But what about the reward "from your Father who is in heaven?" What is that reward? Eternal life? I guess some would say so. But that doesn't sit right with me. I would prefer to think about it in terms of life here and now. I think the reward is love. Not love from others, but rather love for others. When our motivation is to do the right thing because it is the right thing - we increase our love of others. When we train ourselves to do the right thing and then forget about it - going on with our lives as usual - we increase our love for others. Receiving love from others is nice, but it is often conditional. Increasing our love for others connects us to God's love for others - and God's love for us. This love is unconditional. The more we live in this love of God and others, the more love we will be able to feel and share.
We might even be able to begin to love our enemies!
B
The approval of people here on earth is always nice. We all want approval; in fact, we need a certain amount in order to thrive. Love and friendship are not luxuries for human beings. It is only when this need becomes excessive that we have problems. When we feel as though everyone needs to approve of our actions. When we act so that we can receive the approval of others, our reward ends there.
Ultimately, though, this reward cannot satisfy. It is both fleeting and short-lived. One must constantly be acting and doing new things. One can never rest when one's life is about the approval of others. And, there will come a time when that approval is withdrawn. That person will be left alone, not even knowing who they are because they have never thought about it. Of course, in that case, there is nowhere to go but up!
But what about the reward "from your Father who is in heaven?" What is that reward? Eternal life? I guess some would say so. But that doesn't sit right with me. I would prefer to think about it in terms of life here and now. I think the reward is love. Not love from others, but rather love for others. When our motivation is to do the right thing because it is the right thing - we increase our love of others. When we train ourselves to do the right thing and then forget about it - going on with our lives as usual - we increase our love for others. Receiving love from others is nice, but it is often conditional. Increasing our love for others connects us to God's love for others - and God's love for us. This love is unconditional. The more we live in this love of God and others, the more love we will be able to feel and share.
We might even be able to begin to love our enemies!
B
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Yet more anger
Matthew 5:43-44 - You've heard it said "Love your neighbors" and "hate your enemies." But I say to you, "Love your enemies and pray for your persecutors."
Sometimes it is hard to love those we love! Just this morning, I was leaving to go grocery shopping. The lock on our back porch is wonky. So as I was leaving, it would not lock. I called Peter and showed him. Long story short; He blamed it on me even though the lock was clearly wonky. I was given this gift of seeing exactly why I was angry and why I get angry most of the time. I was clearly not being heard and was being blamed for something that was clearly not my fault. I could not believe he would not back off. I think he heard me saying he needed to fix the lock. Not what I was saying at all.
The good news is that I told him that my frustration about the lock was not aimed at him. I was clear that I was not angry at him - at least at first. It was only after I asked him why he kept insisting against the evidence that I was doing something wrong that I realized he was not really hearing me.
So the thing that gets me and that I have told him is that he is definitely more willing to give others a break than he is me. Not always, but he still has a hard time thinking about dealing with Mike owing $20,000 yet, no problem blaming me for things that are not my fault. I suspect something else is going on that he is not sharing.
So, loving someone even in anger. Recognizing that anger is temporary, love is foundational.
So, again. What is my part in this? Not just today, but what is my part in not being heard? Am I not saying what I feel clearly? Am I assuming others understand what I want? It is clear that many times, Peter does not and I am not aware of that. So we talk past each other and make no sense.
Alternatively, am I trying to make others conform to my way of thinking? Am I overreacting to people being people? Am I angry at something I have not yet let myself be aware of? Am I ready to be open to that? And again, am I treating Peter any better than I feel he sometimes treats me? I know I could always be more courteous and forgiving. Lots of stuff to think about with my spiritual director.
B
Sometimes it is hard to love those we love! Just this morning, I was leaving to go grocery shopping. The lock on our back porch is wonky. So as I was leaving, it would not lock. I called Peter and showed him. Long story short; He blamed it on me even though the lock was clearly wonky. I was given this gift of seeing exactly why I was angry and why I get angry most of the time. I was clearly not being heard and was being blamed for something that was clearly not my fault. I could not believe he would not back off. I think he heard me saying he needed to fix the lock. Not what I was saying at all.
The good news is that I told him that my frustration about the lock was not aimed at him. I was clear that I was not angry at him - at least at first. It was only after I asked him why he kept insisting against the evidence that I was doing something wrong that I realized he was not really hearing me.
So the thing that gets me and that I have told him is that he is definitely more willing to give others a break than he is me. Not always, but he still has a hard time thinking about dealing with Mike owing $20,000 yet, no problem blaming me for things that are not my fault. I suspect something else is going on that he is not sharing.
So, loving someone even in anger. Recognizing that anger is temporary, love is foundational.
So, again. What is my part in this? Not just today, but what is my part in not being heard? Am I not saying what I feel clearly? Am I assuming others understand what I want? It is clear that many times, Peter does not and I am not aware of that. So we talk past each other and make no sense.
Alternatively, am I trying to make others conform to my way of thinking? Am I overreacting to people being people? Am I angry at something I have not yet let myself be aware of? Am I ready to be open to that? And again, am I treating Peter any better than I feel he sometimes treats me? I know I could always be more courteous and forgiving. Lots of stuff to think about with my spiritual director.
B
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Anger (again)
Matthew 5:38-42 - Do not resist the evil one. When someone slaps your left cheek, turn your right. When someone sues you for your cloak, give them your tunic also. When someone presses you into service for one mile, go with them two. When someone asks for a loan, do not refuse them. Give to all who ask.
I have lots of thoughts here! First, there is an implied power imbalance. Someone is stronger than you. Do not resist - for yourself. Jesus himself resisted on behalf of others.
Second, we are to accept the reality of evil. The examples given are personal, yet they do not exclude the possibility of systemic evil. Especially the one about being pressed into service. We cannot escape evil - it is in the very air humans breathe. Therefore, we need to accept its reality in our lives and the lives of others. White police and black people come to mind.
Third, while I was pondering this this morning, I realized that anger can lead to doing evil things. I thought about how I write people off rather than work things out with them. This will come up during my CPE interview. I also realized that the things that make me angry are people not following the "rules." I'm not usually one to try to make others follow the rules - except Peter. I am one to complain at length about it. This is a sign of resentment, which in turn is a sign of anger not resolved.
I get angry when people try to speed past me. I get angry when people cut me off. I get angry when Mike turns off the water willy-nilly. I get angry when I think about how much he owes the condo association and his attitude about that debt. I get angry when the dog barks. I get angry when Peter tries to renegotiate a decision we have made. I get angry when things change at church. When I have no voice. I get angry when Republicans cut help for those who need it most: kids, the mentally ill, minorities, poor people. I get angry when people take more than their fair share of time, food, services, etc. I get angry when people's voices are unheard. I get angry when others write black people off as thugs without hearing what they are trying to say. In fact, my biggest complaint about Peter is that his actions sometimes make me feel like my concern or feelings have not been heard.
Voiceless. I feel voiceless. I feel insignificant. When have I not had a voice? Growing up. Junior. Dave. That one TA in Art History. With my mom. In church (partially my fault). Federated. Peter's work. I'm sure there are others that I am missing.
Without working through this anger, I will have a hard time detaching and being a good chaplain. I have written numerous times that I want to give voice to the voiceless. Who are the voiceless? Homeless people, poor people, black people, women, non-Republicans in many ways, abused women, prisoners - whether they've committed a crime or not, sick people, old people, uninsured people, the outcast.
I am surprised this went there. I had no idea. Good work.
B
I have lots of thoughts here! First, there is an implied power imbalance. Someone is stronger than you. Do not resist - for yourself. Jesus himself resisted on behalf of others.
Second, we are to accept the reality of evil. The examples given are personal, yet they do not exclude the possibility of systemic evil. Especially the one about being pressed into service. We cannot escape evil - it is in the very air humans breathe. Therefore, we need to accept its reality in our lives and the lives of others. White police and black people come to mind.
Third, while I was pondering this this morning, I realized that anger can lead to doing evil things. I thought about how I write people off rather than work things out with them. This will come up during my CPE interview. I also realized that the things that make me angry are people not following the "rules." I'm not usually one to try to make others follow the rules - except Peter. I am one to complain at length about it. This is a sign of resentment, which in turn is a sign of anger not resolved.
I get angry when people try to speed past me. I get angry when people cut me off. I get angry when Mike turns off the water willy-nilly. I get angry when I think about how much he owes the condo association and his attitude about that debt. I get angry when the dog barks. I get angry when Peter tries to renegotiate a decision we have made. I get angry when things change at church. When I have no voice. I get angry when Republicans cut help for those who need it most: kids, the mentally ill, minorities, poor people. I get angry when people take more than their fair share of time, food, services, etc. I get angry when people's voices are unheard. I get angry when others write black people off as thugs without hearing what they are trying to say. In fact, my biggest complaint about Peter is that his actions sometimes make me feel like my concern or feelings have not been heard.
Voiceless. I feel voiceless. I feel insignificant. When have I not had a voice? Growing up. Junior. Dave. That one TA in Art History. With my mom. In church (partially my fault). Federated. Peter's work. I'm sure there are others that I am missing.
Without working through this anger, I will have a hard time detaching and being a good chaplain. I have written numerous times that I want to give voice to the voiceless. Who are the voiceless? Homeless people, poor people, black people, women, non-Republicans in many ways, abused women, prisoners - whether they've committed a crime or not, sick people, old people, uninsured people, the outcast.
I am surprised this went there. I had no idea. Good work.
B
Monday, May 4, 2015
Swearing
Matthew 5:33-37 - You have hear it said, "Do not swear falsely." But I say to you, do not swear at all. Let your yes be yes and your no, no. Anything more than that is from evil.
Jesus may have been on to something here. I know that when I am least likely to follow through is when I'm most likely to swear to myself that I will. Desperation to convince myself that I mean it. It doesn't fool me. And I think Jesus is saying here that it doesn't fool anyone else either. In fact, it reminds me of sleazy salesmen - those who do not let you get a word in edgewise, because if they let you think, the sale is lost. That behavior does indeed come from an evil place. When I am confronted with that, I instinctively know (doesn't everyone?) that I am being manipulated. Keeping to the minimum. Yes and no are both complete sentences by themselves.
This speaks to the larger issue of trust. Communities and cities work, society works only when we trust others to do their share. There will always be those on the make, not doing their share. But communities work because most of us are basically trustworthy. We have integrity. Jesus is asking his listeners (and readers) to have integrity. When people trust others, there is no need to share or persuade. There is only the fact of integrity.
Speaking the truth requires integrity and is the only way to get integrity. Speaking the truth in love always. Without integrity, leaders have no followers - and thus are not leaders. Or, their followers lack integrity as well - and you have a mob or, if you will, a gang. Yet even gangs and police forces have their own integrity separate and apart from society. All are harmed when this happens. Lack of integrity leads to gang violence leads to more lack of integrity. Of course, it is not that simple. That is just one line of the breakdown of intersectional lines of disorder.
It helps me to remember that Jesus lived in a similar world. Yet he was able to have integrity and through that came hope for a better life for many. That is sorely needed today. Hope.
B
Jesus may have been on to something here. I know that when I am least likely to follow through is when I'm most likely to swear to myself that I will. Desperation to convince myself that I mean it. It doesn't fool me. And I think Jesus is saying here that it doesn't fool anyone else either. In fact, it reminds me of sleazy salesmen - those who do not let you get a word in edgewise, because if they let you think, the sale is lost. That behavior does indeed come from an evil place. When I am confronted with that, I instinctively know (doesn't everyone?) that I am being manipulated. Keeping to the minimum. Yes and no are both complete sentences by themselves.
This speaks to the larger issue of trust. Communities and cities work, society works only when we trust others to do their share. There will always be those on the make, not doing their share. But communities work because most of us are basically trustworthy. We have integrity. Jesus is asking his listeners (and readers) to have integrity. When people trust others, there is no need to share or persuade. There is only the fact of integrity.
Speaking the truth requires integrity and is the only way to get integrity. Speaking the truth in love always. Without integrity, leaders have no followers - and thus are not leaders. Or, their followers lack integrity as well - and you have a mob or, if you will, a gang. Yet even gangs and police forces have their own integrity separate and apart from society. All are harmed when this happens. Lack of integrity leads to gang violence leads to more lack of integrity. Of course, it is not that simple. That is just one line of the breakdown of intersectional lines of disorder.
It helps me to remember that Jesus lived in a similar world. Yet he was able to have integrity and through that came hope for a better life for many. That is sorely needed today. Hope.
B
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Adultery
Matthew 5:27-30 You have heard it said, "Do not commit adultery. But I say to you that anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Etc.
Adultery is another rupture in the community. Here in 21st century America, it is easy to think we wouldn't know the person with whom our spouse committed adultery. Back then? Almost certainly! It was not a private issue but the whole community suffered. Either way its a rupture, but then, it was a bigger rupture in several ways, not all of them good.
Back then, it was about the woman as property. We see this in the 10 commandments wherein the wife is listed along with the chattel and other possessions. So adultery was defined as having sex with another man's wife. The harm was to the man. Here, it can be read that Jesus sees women as women and not as appendages to men. Even if you look at her with lust, you have devalued her. In this light, people commit adultery all the time. The objectification of a being that bears the image of God is adultery.
Here again, Jesus is extending the requirements of the law by saying it's not just about our actions, it's about how we view the world. Do we see it as God's good and sacred creation? Or do we see it as our inheritance to use as we see fit, regardless of the consequences to others? The law proscribes certain actions, Jesus proscribes ways of thinking that people use to get around the spirit of the law. Jesus invites us to go beyond our current thinking, always and forever. This is our job - to conform to God's way of thinking rather than trying to get God to conform to ours. It is very difficult. That is why most of us do not do it. It requires great sacrifice that most of us are not willing to make. I know that I would rather not make the sacrifice.
Using others as stepping stones is a human way. God's way is the way of love and reconciliation. It seems to all come back to reconciliation for Jesus. Especially in the verses that follow.
If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out ... if your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off... It is better to be maimed in heaven than whole in gehenna.
Hyperbole? Maybe. The point is that our focus must be on God and God's love for all people. He is stressing the importance of seeing others as God sees us all - Beloved, precious, and beautiful. God loves us so much it's as if God has nothing better to do. It is we who corrupt that love and misuse our fellow humans. Jesus is saying that is not God's way.
B
Adultery is another rupture in the community. Here in 21st century America, it is easy to think we wouldn't know the person with whom our spouse committed adultery. Back then? Almost certainly! It was not a private issue but the whole community suffered. Either way its a rupture, but then, it was a bigger rupture in several ways, not all of them good.
Back then, it was about the woman as property. We see this in the 10 commandments wherein the wife is listed along with the chattel and other possessions. So adultery was defined as having sex with another man's wife. The harm was to the man. Here, it can be read that Jesus sees women as women and not as appendages to men. Even if you look at her with lust, you have devalued her. In this light, people commit adultery all the time. The objectification of a being that bears the image of God is adultery.
Here again, Jesus is extending the requirements of the law by saying it's not just about our actions, it's about how we view the world. Do we see it as God's good and sacred creation? Or do we see it as our inheritance to use as we see fit, regardless of the consequences to others? The law proscribes certain actions, Jesus proscribes ways of thinking that people use to get around the spirit of the law. Jesus invites us to go beyond our current thinking, always and forever. This is our job - to conform to God's way of thinking rather than trying to get God to conform to ours. It is very difficult. That is why most of us do not do it. It requires great sacrifice that most of us are not willing to make. I know that I would rather not make the sacrifice.
Using others as stepping stones is a human way. God's way is the way of love and reconciliation. It seems to all come back to reconciliation for Jesus. Especially in the verses that follow.
If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out ... if your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off... It is better to be maimed in heaven than whole in gehenna.
Hyperbole? Maybe. The point is that our focus must be on God and God's love for all people. He is stressing the importance of seeing others as God sees us all - Beloved, precious, and beautiful. God loves us so much it's as if God has nothing better to do. It is we who corrupt that love and misuse our fellow humans. Jesus is saying that is not God's way.
B
Friday, May 1, 2015
The consequences of anger
Matthew 5:25-26: Come to terms with your adversary while you are on the way lest your adversary hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be cast into prison. I tell you you will not leave there until you have paid the last penny.
Total disruption of one's life but also the community. Who is going to pay the last penny? Family and friends. The ripples of resentment and anger then continue. We see this in the Middle East. As I understand it, some of the animosity there goes back centuries. We see this with African Americans in Baltimore. Anger ignored breeds anger. And we are ignoring the anger being displayed in so many cities and towns to our peril. We have created a situation in which they have less and less to lose. We have made them angry and then taken away their recourse.
This legacy will take its toll as long as people take sides without trying to understand those opposed to them. This is what the gospel counsels us today - try to understand. The word means think well of. Try to think well of your adversary. That goes against everything we are taught through movies, TV shows, history books. They all say that we are right. But we are wrong. We are not thinking well of minorities in modern America. And it is making our job of reconciling impossible.
Yesterday I wrote about reconciliation. It is impossible without understanding on all sides. The gulf is wide and many would like to ignore that it exists. Many would like to think that black people are routinely treated just like white people in this country. Such is not the case and this disconnect is widening the gulf. Even poor Jon Stewart is tired and frustrated with fighting this battle of ideology against facts. He has fought so hard and has gotten exactly nowhere.
Taking this down to the personal: What is one thing I can do today to understand and put into practice my new understanding of someone from another race?
B
Total disruption of one's life but also the community. Who is going to pay the last penny? Family and friends. The ripples of resentment and anger then continue. We see this in the Middle East. As I understand it, some of the animosity there goes back centuries. We see this with African Americans in Baltimore. Anger ignored breeds anger. And we are ignoring the anger being displayed in so many cities and towns to our peril. We have created a situation in which they have less and less to lose. We have made them angry and then taken away their recourse.
This legacy will take its toll as long as people take sides without trying to understand those opposed to them. This is what the gospel counsels us today - try to understand. The word means think well of. Try to think well of your adversary. That goes against everything we are taught through movies, TV shows, history books. They all say that we are right. But we are wrong. We are not thinking well of minorities in modern America. And it is making our job of reconciling impossible.
Yesterday I wrote about reconciliation. It is impossible without understanding on all sides. The gulf is wide and many would like to ignore that it exists. Many would like to think that black people are routinely treated just like white people in this country. Such is not the case and this disconnect is widening the gulf. Even poor Jon Stewart is tired and frustrated with fighting this battle of ideology against facts. He has fought so hard and has gotten exactly nowhere.
Taking this down to the personal: What is one thing I can do today to understand and put into practice my new understanding of someone from another race?
B
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